Thursday, May 20, 2010

Enjoy the moment

It was awkward to say the least. It brought hot tears to my eyes as I pulled him close. Why does being a teenager have to be so hard? Why does a mama and her son have to separate so he can be a man?HE was my first born son. He was the one I kept by my side until his father made me let him go to a big boy bed. He was the one I worried about the most. He was my first true love (besides his father) for the male population. He taught me to trust and love and to love deeply. Now he is transitioning into man-hood and although at times I feel an outsider into his thoughts I see glimpses of the little boy who pushed his knees into my back as we slept late. The grin that stole my heart a million times I have to look for now but it's still there. The words I miss the most " best mama in the world" he used to say often now are replaced with my favorite music cd's carefully made by him and left in my car as a surprise.

I miss the carefree days of slippy slides and Kool-aid with him. The days that I understood him better than anyone...the days when I could kiss his boo-boos and make everything better.

Now we walk together but it's strange at times. Me trying to understand him and him trying to

understand me.

This morning:

I put my hand on his shoulder and said laughingly "lets hug" and he did and for a moment I felt

the little boy that is still in there somewhere..Time stood there alittle awkward but it stood...and my tears fell........

If your little boy is still sleepily pushing his knees in your back and still blowing you kisses and

whispering love words in your ears drawing you heart pictures and telling you

you're the best mother in the world...embrace it and live there with him as long as you can.

Go into his room at night and hear his stories and make sure his love bank is filled with mama love..

They do grow up and before you know he's growing into a man and you're a woman missing your little boy...

Wondering where the time went and wondering if you embraced every single moment..

This is the Lord's design and it's a normal part of letting him go but ladies I have to tell you

it's H-A-R-D........

Scott laughs at me and, heck I laugh at myself but letting go is not easy.

I know I have some years to go but we're training him to go.. We're training him to not need us.

So a part of me feels like screaming to get off the ride....the ride of letting him go........

but I have to remember to embrace these moments and trust in this journey that every

mother and every son must and will go through..


missy said...

sam is only 10 and i'm already feeling these same things. kevin is taking over more with him and i'm not his "sugahmamma" so much is so hard, but it's right.

i can also relate to the "first love" thing. with my girls, i somehow knew they'd always be with me, but as soon as i found out sam was a boy, my heart started hurting knowing that i'd have to let him go someday.

Chantelle said...

good reminder.

Anonymous said...

I feel so convicted reading this. I just stormed out of my two daughters' bedroom angrily and in frustration because they just couldn't fall asleep! This and that...

The moments are slipping. There isn't time for me to pout off in anger. Thank you everyday for these reminders.


Anonymous said...

Ohhh. . .I am thinking hard. You have made me think hard again. . . I am savoring these years and trying to soak it all up, but it doesn't seem to be enough! Time just won't stand still.

bbmommy2 said...

In my tears, I am reading this... Because I can feel, in my mother's heart, what is to come. My boy is eight, but already I miss his little boy things. Like how we used to play on the floor for hours with Thomas the trains. Thomas has been packed away now because that little guy has moved on with life. Play is still here but it's bikes and scooters these days.

I can see the days you speak of, and I know they will be here in the blink of an eye. Sometimes, I can even since that something is on his mind. Something, I am not able to grasp as his mother. So he holds back...just a little...because I'm mama. And I know he is growing up before my very eyes.

He still tucks 'Dipper' the dog under his arm at night. It is in these moments, I cherish the little guy I can see inside.

Reading this has blessed me today. Thank you!
My love to you,

Missi said...

this breaks my heart, Robin! Ezra hugs me and tells me "Luh You, Mamma" over and over all day long and I just melt to pieces. He picks me flowers and brings them to me. I just don't want to think about when he gets big. Don't want to. ;)

Laurel said...

What a great post!

I have 2 sons in their 20's ... 2 sons that are still teens ... and 2 sons that are still in elementary school. My 8 years old is still a snuggler ... still telling his Mama 100 times per day how much he loves me. Oh yes ... I will miss these days, that will come all too soon.

On the flip side ... my 23 year old son is such an amazing young man. If he and I take the kids somewhere (across town or across the state) he will always offer to drive the big van (if Papa can't be with us for some reason). This son so easily steps into his father's shoes ... to fill the needs of his family ... Yes ... makes this mama proud to be his mama.

One of my teens moved across the state for college a couple of months ago ... he still calls me every day or two ... just to check in.

Other teen son was away for a week, and he sent me an email just to tell me that he was thinking of me ... missing me ...

It's a balancing act ... holding them close, yet letting them go. But, it is a beauty to behold when they grow up to love and serve the Lord. Can't wait to watch them love and serve their wives-to-be ... and to become awesome and amazing Daddies, just like their own.

And ... in addition to those amazing 6 sons ... I also have 6 beautiful daughters, which bring their own joys and challenges.

What a gift ... to be entrusted with these young lives, to raise them up in the grace and admonition of the Lord. A beautiful gift ...



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