Friday, November 28, 2008


Trying to step my way through this holiday weekend. The memories of times gone by forever running through my cluttered mind. The times with my father. The last time he came to my house and shared Thanksgiving with my family. His nervousness as he always hated being in a crowd. I will forever miss him. If only I would of known that one day his voice would no longer be anywhere that I could hear. I would have bottled it. I would have maybe tucked his last hug away so that I could have it for times like these. I think his laugh is the one thing that I could hear forever, but it is no longer. I can hardly remember it and it has only been months since his death.

This time last year I was able to call and hear my name spoken by my father's voice but it is no more.

I often run to the place he was for me. Even though it was small it was still there. He was there. He meant nothing to so many and I'm the only one that will keep his memories alive.

I wish I could say that if he was given a chance to come back that he would be different, that maybe the booze would not be so important. That his grandchildren would take up most of his time, that he would change. But I know that he would not.

He had a chance to change six months before his death and he chose. It wasn't me. It wasn't us.

As I looked around my table this year, I was thankful for the friends and family there.

So much change this year. The hurt of losing Scott's dad, The pain of losing our un-born baby, and then losing my father. It definitely has been a year of letting go.

I have learned that each person that left took a small part of me with them.

Forever changed I will be, never like I was before. A new me without a father-in-law,

without a dad, and without one of my precious children.

The Lord reminds me that weeping only lasts for a season and it has seemed this has been a very long season, but he has brought a beautiful gift to our family that only He could have wrapped .

A gift of a new life. The gift of a new soul, that He has seen fit to give to us. A promise of a new voice, that I will hear call me mama. A new laugh, that I will etch in my mind. A few thousand hugs, that I will receive. A new beginning. A new baby, Lord willing going to born In May.

I'm nervous and sometimes just plain scared, but the Lord is forever at my side. He is holding me.

Saying Good-bye is hard but the possibility of saying hello is overwhelming.....

In memory of my father, I will remember.
To the last cowboy, my father-in law,"papa Bear" you are missed.
To our un-born babies in heaven we will never forget.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

The lighting of our lamps.

The lights are bright on my fireplace. Their faces aglow with 'their own light'.

It's a reminder that each one of my children is a light for the Lord.
Yes, maybe a small flicker, but a light none the less.
I have 6 little lights that radiate from my home every-day and every night (and people wonder why I Love having children). It's my job to make sure they're more than a flicker when the time comes for them to take their light from my fire-place and start out on their 'own journey'.
One little light doesn't seem like a lot but put six of those lights together and now we have some light. Our Light for the Lord. The light that will keep burning for generations.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I was made for times like these.

My finger holds his spot as he tries to sound out the newest sound.
The once bright sun starting to fade through my windows.
My self knowing this is one of those moments that he and I will look back on with
sweet memories. My fingers tracing the sound, his fingers next to mine.
I know the Lord made me for this. He made me to lay next to my son on cold days teaching
him to read. I'm not sure it's coming as easily as I thought it would, but what else do I have to do? I was made for this. I was made to be his mom.
He was made to be my sweet, gentle son whom I would like to say I'm very proud of.
If this is a journal of our life together and perhaps one day I might be gone, I just wanted him to know: I'm so very very proud of you my son....
love, mom

Monday, November 17, 2008

On the front lines of our lives.....

Sometimes in our own little part of the world you forget how very much you need your friends. I was having one of those weeks. I didn't feel good. I felt isolated. I was worried about things un-known to the rest of the world. Thoughts swirling like the cold winds that blew the beautiful leafs off the trees out side my window. My computer blinks with an e-mail from a very dear friend.
She knows my thoughts, she knows my concerns, and she has been ever present to see me through lots of tough times and here her name appears yet again.
On the front lines of my life.
She was wondering if she could come and do a Thanksgiving craft with my little ones? She said it's for herself because she misses having 'little ones', but I know that she is giving up alot of herself and her projects to come and spend an hour at my home.
I said Yes. She comes in going straight to my school room and along with her daughters offer us an hours worth of alone time. I hear laughter from beyond the school room door. I hear "what are you Thankful for Channie?" and I find myself listening wondering what she would say.
I find myself being so Thankful for this family who over and over again show up and pour into our lives..
They have done so much for my family but I guess one of the biggest things they have done is this time last year I was leaving for Africa and was supposed to be home for Thanksgiving and my plane got delayed. She called Scott and invited them to come and spend Thanksgiving with their family. I will never forget the gratitude I felt when I called home that Thanksgiving day and Scott said "Kathy called and wanted us to come over there, what do you think?"
My heart over-flowing I knew she would take them in. They would be fed and loved on.
Scott and the kids went and they still talk about the hospitality shown to them on that Thanksgiving day.

I'm encouraged to be a better friend because of this family.

If you want to be encouraged go to her family blog and enjoy.


Thursday, November 13, 2008

Our home altar

You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
How precious is Your loving kindness, O God!
Therefore the children of men
put their trust under the shadow of Your wings.
They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house,
And You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures.
-Psalms 16;11;36;7-8
As I was kneeling at our new home altar my six year old Cooper came up and whispered
"can I pray with you." It was very touching to have him kneel down and put his hands together
and close his eyes beside me. As I was praying out loud in a small voice it was such a peaceful moment. Coop and I apparently both had the same prayer request to our Father and when he started to pray it was heart felt and unrehearsed. At the end of his prayer he said "Dear Lord my name is Cooper".
How often I feel like I need to add my name..Maybe he has forgotten me? Maybe he accidentaly got busy? Maybe it's been a few since I have had a second of alone time.
That's what I felt like yesterday. I was driving by myself no radio, no tears, no laughter,
or complaints from my busy back seats. Just the sound of the road. I wanted to retreat at first. Filling in the quietness with the noise of the radio or phone, but I didn't. I just let it in...
I have to admit it was not easy. When you have little ones you forget that there is quietness. You forget that in order to come before the Lord your soul needs to be quieted so you can hear Him. The first thing the Lord my Father revealed to me was that I needed more alone time with Him. Hence the altar..We used an old bench that I bought from a yard sale for 5.00 and turned it into one of the most beautiful pieces in my home. My New home Altar.
As I knelt I remembered Him. As I knelt my home became a more peaceful place.
The kids just seemed to know that I was kneeling before my Father's throne. I didn't have
to explain it or practice it it truly just happened. Quiet. Time to kneel and cry out to My Father and to show that my home was inviting him that I was reaching out and taking His hand and needing him to meet me here and He did.
Nothing fancy but My Father loved it because it drew me to Him. With a small lamp or candle it
is a inviting place even the kids want to go there. It draws you.It's a reminder that He is waiting for you to come and have some time to experience the quietness.
John Piper writes,
“…when we bought our first home, I built a prayer bench with a place for my elbows in a kneeling posture, and a place for my bible to lie, and a shelf underneath for the Bible or other books and a notepad… There the prayer bench welcomes me every morning and several times during the day. God alone knows the tears and songs that have mingled there. I urge you to think creatively.
Seriously consider building a place of prayer…”

Monday, November 10, 2008

Life with a couple of two year olds.

Alot of days they are best buddies.
On most others they are trying to be boss with Channie winning most of those days.
Nap times are becoming less and less and 'play time' is becoming more and more.
Seeing their reflection in my windows getting bigger and bigger. Hearing a resounding "Amen" from Jokey in Sunday morning church. Channie having to go pee-pee every time she wants out of her car seat. Even tho she just went five mins before. Dancing like mad people to backyardigans.
Wearing flowers in her hair because her daddie put them there before he left. Screaming with delight over a sucker. Crawling in bed and snuggling long before Mr. Sun comes up. Hearing Jokey call his brother bubba..Playing mommie and being first.These all make up moments of my life with my two year olds. I love seeing who they are becoming. I love seeing Jo's smile and knowing he loves us because he knows no difference. I love seeing Channie love Jo because she just loves her 'bubba'.
Boo-Boos that Jockey tries to fixKisses of thanks

Adoption is a beautiful gift don't miss it..

pictures by Taylor

Being Content

The green linoleum was fading.

It's seams peeling, the years of our families days have caused the once new beautiful floor to be looked upon with deep dissatisfaction

If only I had a better floor. If only it was easier to clean . If only every little crumb you couldn't see. Then, you get a new floor. Crisp, clean tile.

The smooth-ness under your feet makes you wonder what you did without it for all those years. The old floor but a vague memory.

This new floor with it's promises to make you happy until you depart this world.

I've heard people say "I wish my tile was a different color, I wish the grout was thicker so the crumbs wouldn't get caught in them. I wish I could change this about my new floor, then I would be happy"...But would we really?

Our lives are so reflective of discontentment in every area.

Marriage: If only he would act like this then...I would be happy...Then I would trust him more.

If only he would spend time with me then.....I would be the wife he needs and wants.

Kids: If only my kids would act this way, then I could be the mother I'm supposed to be.
If only I had one more, then my life would be perfect.

Friends: This is a biggy! "Lord I want friends, I need a support system, Please Lord bring someone in to my life."

The Lord brings friends, just like a new floor you seem to over look all the imperfections.

Your just glad their here. Then over time their imperfections make you wonder if there are better friends out there. "There must be friends who are perfect out there!"

No imperfections to over look, No bad days to help through, no misunderstandings. No warts, just all good......

You demand that they
be something
you can't be:

If they aren't you talk about their faults, about how better they could serve you and then you search for that perfect friend.

Which ,by the way, you will never find.

If we're supposed to be representatives of Christ as Peter says then I believe we have really messed this one up. We can represent when it suits us. When all is perfect.

If I get offended then don't expect me to have a Christ like attitude. Sometimes we become sarcastic and rude or sullen (this is my favorite.)We feel justified acting this way because we feel like we have been wronged and so the other one deserves our attitude. This is when we have to look beyond the attitude or others and look into our own attitude.

What could I have done to offend this person?

How can I make this situation better?

I don't want my kids to see me being a fair weathered friend or wife or mother.

I want them seeing me loving my neighbor, loving my friends, and loving them with an

attitude of "this relationship is important and I know that it may not be perfect right now

but staying the course and loving even when it's not easy, forgiving each other That's

the model Christ set for us.

Being content to allow less than perfect people in our life and loving them anyway..because they love us...

Teaching our children to be respectful even when someone they admire or look up to, acts less than maybe their mamma sometimes..

Being stead fast and content in who we are in Christ and knowing that that is enough........

So today I will walk on my clean shiny floors
and remember what the
other floor
underneath looks
like and remembering
\what I looked like before Christ....

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

What a year it's been for Jo......

This is our referral picture of Joseph.
He weighed only 18 lbs and was very sick.
He lived in Monrovia Africa in a hut with
his family.They attempted to get him help through every resource available to them
in Africa but no-one could help Jo's heart condition.
They put Joseph up for adoption through an agency called Acres Of Hope and along
side them found us.

This is Jo's birth-mom and sister. She took such good care of him.We would not know how good of care until we reached the state's and the Dr's were amazed at his condition and that he made it in time to have surgery. I know that's it was because of Siah and her love for her son.

This is Jo's nanny at the orphanage.

This is our first Dr's apt with Jo.

This is days before his surgery and we are all very nervous. Jo's condition is worse than anyone thought.

This is hours after his heart surgery. It was very scary but they were able to fix most of the 7mm hole in his heart.

This is the boys hanging out with Jo in the hospital.

This is a picture of Jo three days after we got home from hospital. Look at that color.....

Joesph's first Christmas with us.

first snow

He loves for Scott to throw him in the air.

Happy 2nd Birthday Joseph

Jo and the rain

This is his favorite past time this summer eating Popsicles.

another favorite past time eating cake batter

Relaxing after a night of civil war dancing.

The miracle of adoption has forever changed our family. This year has been filled with ups and downs and tears of happiness and sadness but I would not trade it for anything in the world.
I got to travel to Africa for the first time what a ride. I slept under mosquito netting and met a family that will mean the world to my son one day. Our son...
It was a journey of a life-time and it still effects me today. It actually changed me.
Learning to trust the Lord for every little detail in your life for your life it somehow makes you different.
God changed our families heart. Because of Jo's color we had family members who didn't speak to us after they found out we were adopting an African child but the Lord changed their hearts and now they love Joseph just like anyone of the other children. Maybe more... because it was a love that God had to put in their hearts. Maybe you have family members who would disagree with the bible and would not consider all children a blessing as the Lord does, let him fight that battle for you he will..He is looking for some Christian families to trust Him because He is faithful.. He will do a mighty work in your family.
I can honestly say that looking back this has been a journey of trust and I'm thankful that the Lord brought this little man into our life and our hearts..
I have said many times on my blog that I think all Christians should pursue adoption and I will stand on that statement.
I know there are those who say you have to be called to do something like that...You're right but God has called us............. now what are you waiting on.


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