Monday, January 31, 2011

They leave me breathless by the sea

With winter dragging on, the coldness sets us on a journey to the sea.
Where we climbed in abandoned trees and pretended to sail in boats that
sat right outside our window. We drifted on the ocean floor even though the
water was cold. We found treasures for our memory bank and ran and played in the
surf. We laughed and ran and ate great food at a restaurant called The Oyster House and less
than 24 hours later, we came home.


Sometimes sticking your toes in the sand for just an hour or two does you more good than anything else
in the world. The wind blowing in your face, your worries seems to blow away as well. If God can create the sea then why should we worry?  I sat and prayed to the Lord who made it all and thanked Him for the beauty he gave us to enjoy.
and I grabbed some sugar while I was at it.


It was sheer joy watching the kids run and splash in this too cold water. They didn't mind. They were
at the beach and their minds were preoccupied as well at the beauty that surrounded them.

No one there but us and a few snowbirds...but it was our day. It was as if we had reserved
the whole beach for an hour or two.

The joy of watching the faces of two little girls who have never seen a wave or felt the sand between
their toes.

As the ocean pulled them in they forgot for an hour or so that it was the dead of winter.
They forgot that the sun sets and the water and wind get cold.
They came out freezing but no-one complained (much):).
We went back and took hot baths and piled up and watched movies..   

By the bay I looked for treasures of sea glass. Glass that is broken. Glass that is every shape and size.
Glass that has endured the waves and sand and comes out looking more beautiful then ever.
I want to be like sea glass.
More beautiful as I get roughed up by the waves or more
roughed up by this world.
I always want to be in awe of God's beauty and the
beauty he is molding me into.

A very special thank you to grandma momo for letting
us barge in. Thank you for your hospitality and your food :)

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Lessons from the farm

For I have learned, in whatsoever state I am in, to be content. Philippians 4:11

A Lesson from the Goat

If you will take a good look at the next goat you see, you will discover that the corners of his mouth turn up, but never down,as if he were in a good humor all the time. This funny mouth with turned-up corners, and the merry gray eyes, give him a most comical expression. He is apparently one of the most contented of all animals. If grass is plentiful, he eats and is glad.
If there is nothing to nibble, he climbs on the top of a rock or rail fence and looks pleasant.
It is said that he can pick up a meal where a mouse would starve,often helping himself to rubber shoes and tidbits, from an ash heap. Turn him into a lot that appears to be as bare as your hand, and in a few minutes he will be munching something, his eyes still twinkling and the corners of his mouth still pointing up-ward. If people who have formed a habit of giving way to a bad temper would smile more and look on the bright side of life, they would be far happier and would shed sunshine wherever they go.
Lessons from our Farm to yours..
Posted from the archives....

Monday, January 10, 2011

Leaving fresh prints in new snow

How beautiful the fields of white that sits beyond our farm. The fresh prints of deer and our little red fox and many rabbits that live here with us. Not to mention the little tracks that my children leave. How beautiful!
I have walked this farm in the heat of summer and the bitter cold of ice and this beautiful six inches of white powder that now sits outside my window is one of the most amazing sights.

We have spent our day enjoying daddy and each other. A big pot of chili on the stove and our sled.
We were just kinda still today listening and standing amazed at all the beauty that surround us this day. A brother keeping a cold sister warm and then smiling a smile that warms me down to the core. I wish you could know him. I wish you could see the love that he offers if you stop and take the time to see it. Most people don't..they see a large family and they barely try to get their names, much less their unique differences. But he is an African warrior, and he is worth knowing. God has some BIG plans for this fellow.
He was always stopping to help her up when she fell on the cold floor of ice. I wish you could know him.

Sometimes his smile is still a mystery to me. How he ended up here. How our farm became his home and a part of him. Forever!
How we were chosen to be his and him ours.
Oh the gift of his little foot prints here.

Soul mates riding the hill of their childhoods. Memories that will ride with them through their life. Good times, Good love, and just knowing that they were loved and cherished here. They are known not by their number of birth order or birth place but they are known and loved for just who they are by a mama and daddy who adores them. Their prints are always fresh around here but in six inches of the white stuff I see little foot-prints everywhere... new ones.

Some were scared, some a little dare devilish, and some embarrassed..

Mama couldn't say no as I boarded my own sled and was gently pushed off the hill.
Sweet Lord, thank you for the white stuff that kept my husband home for one more day and kept us together safe and warm and having fun.

The big snow of 2011

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Walking dirt roads again....

Amongst life, and the everyday things happen that make you stop in your tracks and realize how very small you are. This happened to me this week so I thought I'd share as I always share the keys that unlock my everyday. The good in my life is very, very good. God has seen our family through some very dark times as well and I have come to expect hard times and enjoy the good times. That's the secrect to my happiness. I've lost things and God has helped me find better things through those long dirt roads and I'm confident He will do the same this time.

I have walked dirt roads and lived to tell about it and now it seems we shall walk another.

I had not been feeling well after we all had the flu but I kept going because that's what we do. I started feeling really bad on one particular day and I was driving with two of my children and didn't want to take chances on the interstate so I went to an emergency room. A small country emergency room....(Note to reader...I hate Dr's so I don't go unless I'm pregnant or dying so on this visit I was not pregnant... so I must have thought I was dying..) I was three hours from home and Scott, but I could tell something was not right. I will save you the details of the 6 hour visit but the short of it was my blood pressure was high and the Dr. decided to do a cat scan of my lungs...? Ok I said a little worried but off to the cat scan room I went.. The big machine rolling around me like a dump truck rolling over a pile of dirt. My mind going through the possibilities of all of the "What ifs" in the world. What if I've had a heart attack? What if.... every bad thing you can imagine went through my mind as fast as the rain soaks the ground. The list was ever growing and I had to stop myself.....
I had to remind myself who God is..I had to remind myself I was not alone on this journey.

Thats hard to do when you're a wife and a mother.

If you're like me my job is so important to me that the very thought of not being around to celebrate my family sends me into a tidal wave of uncertainty.
On this day though, I left the country ER headed towards home with no real diagnosis and yet something inside telling me if I could make it through the night I would find a Dr. in the morning who could figure this all out.

Problem #1 This was two days before Christmas and no one I called really seemed to care one way or the other if I didn't feel my best. It was Christmas and they could not work anyone in.

I kept calling Dr. after Dr. until I found the voice on the other end of the line say, "Well, Dr. Kimbrell has a cancellation at two, he could see you then." A small prayer of thanks to the Lord ..I didn't know this Dr., had never ever heard of him but he was willing to see me...A small miracle.

When I went to his office 1 hour early just to make myself feel better his office saw me early.

I heard his voice as I sat in the small room up on the table with the crinkle paper and somehow I felt so silly sitting up there, pretending to be casualy reading a magazine. He walks in, a tall slender man with the eyes of compassion. I knew I was going to like him. My blood pressure was still high and he calmly told me that he was going to give me meds to bring it down and a boat load of blood work. The Ct from the hospital had shown a small nodule on my thyroid so he thought I had hyperthyroidism and that was causing my normaly low BP to go high. He told me to trust the Lord and that he never has an opening and the very fact I was sitting in his office was God's provision. I really liked this guy... He also wanted to get an ultra sound of my thyroid just to get a closer look. So I went for blood work and scheduled an ultra sound. In the mean time I was feeling better.. my BP was really low and I continued to work out and was (and still am) feeling fine.

Scott and I went back a week later for a report and my Dr. said, "all of your blood work came back great! I checked you for everything- over three hundred tests everything came back fine. I'm not sure why you had this spike...I'll get your ultra sound read and give you a call as soon as I see it."
God caused the spike so this would be found....don't you believe?

A few days later he calls and says that I needed to see the Dr.s upstairs....The nodule on my thyroid was large so I need to go get it looked at. He gave me a number and I called..They saw me two days later. I didn't realize it was a surgeon. I'm not sure who I thought I was going to.. but a surgeon??? He walked into my room and felt my neck and did an ultra sound. He then said some very scary things like, "we need to do surgery to remove this. the nodule takes up 3/4 of your thyroid and it could be cancerous because of the size."

This is where my heart met the ground...Skaking and trying to listen, my life flashed before me.. Silly? maybe for you, but for me cancer means I can't take care of my family. Cancer means alot of things...Just the word alone .......

I turned to Scott with tears and his face was ashen.

The Dr. proceeded with.. because of the size of this it increases your have other nodules around this one so that's good..because that usually means non-cancerous but we have to remove half of your thyroid and while your still asleep check to see if it's cancer or not. If it is we will remove your whole thyroid.

He went on record to say "if your going to have cancer this is the best kind to have" this is common, this is in and out..take a pill for the rest of your life and you're fine..I do this all day.

I'll take care of you and he was gone.

I wanted to stop him and say, "ummm.. you do know I have eight kids and a husband so you have to get this right"....but I was the word........

Scott and I sat there looking at each other. Shocked and confused when they escorted us to another room to schedule this surgery.."Don't worry this is done often and you'll do fine."


My emotions, my thoughts, were not the most positive at this point in our day and I was and still am scared of my upcoming surgery.

I'm on a constant battle ground with my thoughts and the what ifs.....but as a friend of mine said,

"people are watching" and I want people to know that I love the Lord. I trust Him and He knows whats best for me.......He always does....

So I ask for prayer on Wednesday they remove this nodule in my neck.

Pray that I have grace to travel dirt roads well. To not complain while I'm traveling and
to travel lite...

The smooth roads are fun, they are easy to walk down..

but these dirt roads are hard on the ice-cream and sprinkles out here....Just dirt roads.

But these roads lead you closer to the Lord. He's on the dirt roads...
He's traveling these dirt roads and he says I'm not alone and I believe Him because
I recognize the road I'm on. It's the same road I was on when we lost William..
so I'm not lost just getting familiar again with the dirt...that's under my feet.


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