Saturday, January 8, 2011

Walking dirt roads again....


Amongst life, and the everyday things happen that make you stop in your tracks and realize how very small you are. This happened to me this week so I thought I'd share as I always share the keys that unlock my everyday. The good in my life is very, very good. God has seen our family through some very dark times as well and I have come to expect hard times and enjoy the good times. That's the secrect to my happiness. I've lost things and God has helped me find better things through those long dirt roads and I'm confident He will do the same this time.

I have walked dirt roads and lived to tell about it and now it seems we shall walk another.



I had not been feeling well after we all had the flu but I kept going because that's what we do. I started feeling really bad on one particular day and I was driving with two of my children and didn't want to take chances on the interstate so I went to an emergency room. A small country emergency room....(Note to reader...I hate Dr's so I don't go unless I'm pregnant or dying so on this visit I was not pregnant... so I must have thought I was dying..) I was three hours from home and Scott, but I could tell something was not right. I will save you the details of the 6 hour visit but the short of it was my blood pressure was high and the Dr. decided to do a cat scan of my lungs...? Ok I said a little worried but off to the cat scan room I went.. The big machine rolling around me like a dump truck rolling over a pile of dirt. My mind going through the possibilities of all of the "What ifs" in the world. What if I've had a heart attack? What if.... every bad thing you can imagine went through my mind as fast as the rain soaks the ground. The list was ever growing and I had to stop myself.....
I had to remind myself who God is..I had to remind myself I was not alone on this journey.


Thats hard to do when you're a wife and a mother.


If you're like me my job is so important to me that the very thought of not being around to celebrate my family sends me into a tidal wave of uncertainty.
On this day though, I left the country ER headed towards home with no real diagnosis and yet something inside telling me if I could make it through the night I would find a Dr. in the morning who could figure this all out.


Problem #1 This was two days before Christmas and no one I called really seemed to care one way or the other if I didn't feel my best. It was Christmas and they could not work anyone in.


I kept calling Dr. after Dr. until I found the voice on the other end of the line say, "Well, Dr. Kimbrell has a cancellation at two, he could see you then." A small prayer of thanks to the Lord ..I didn't know this Dr., had never ever heard of him but he was willing to see me...A small miracle.


When I went to his office 1 hour early just to make myself feel better his office saw me early.

I heard his voice as I sat in the small room up on the table with the crinkle paper and somehow I felt so silly sitting up there, pretending to be casualy reading a magazine. He walks in, a tall slender man with the eyes of compassion. I knew I was going to like him. My blood pressure was still high and he calmly told me that he was going to give me meds to bring it down and a boat load of blood work. The Ct from the hospital had shown a small nodule on my thyroid so he thought I had hyperthyroidism and that was causing my normaly low BP to go high. He told me to trust the Lord and that he never has an opening and the very fact I was sitting in his office was God's provision. I really liked this guy... He also wanted to get an ultra sound of my thyroid just to get a closer look. So I went for blood work and scheduled an ultra sound. In the mean time I was feeling better.. my BP was really low and I continued to work out and was (and still am) feeling fine.




Scott and I went back a week later for a report and my Dr. said, "all of your blood work came back great! I checked you for everything- over three hundred tests everything came back fine. I'm not sure why you had this spike...I'll get your ultra sound read and give you a call as soon as I see it."
God caused the spike so this would be found....don't you believe?

A few days later he calls and says that I needed to see the Dr.s upstairs....The nodule on my thyroid was large so I need to go get it looked at. He gave me a number and I called..They saw me two days later. I didn't realize it was a surgeon. I'm not sure who I thought I was going to.. but a surgeon??? He walked into my room and felt my neck and did an ultra sound. He then said some very scary things like, "we need to do surgery to remove this. the nodule takes up 3/4 of your thyroid and it could be cancerous because of the size."


This is where my heart met the ground...Skaking and trying to listen, my life flashed before me.. Silly? maybe for you, but for me cancer means I can't take care of my family. Cancer means alot of things...Just the word alone .......


I turned to Scott with tears and his face was ashen.


The Dr. proceeded with.. because of the size of this it increases your chances.......you have other nodules around this one so that's good..because that usually means non-cancerous but we have to remove half of your thyroid and while your still asleep check to see if it's cancer or not. If it is we will remove your whole thyroid.

He went on record to say "if your going to have cancer this is the best kind to have" this is common, this is in and out..take a pill for the rest of your life and you're fine..I do this all day.

I'll take care of you and he was gone.


I wanted to stop him and say, "ummm.. you do know I have eight kids and a husband so you have to get this right"....but I was silenced...by the word........


Scott and I sat there looking at each other. Shocked and confused when they escorted us to another room to schedule this surgery.."Don't worry this is done often and you'll do fine."


Really?



My emotions, my thoughts, were not the most positive at this point in our day and I was and still am scared of my upcoming surgery.

I'm on a constant battle ground with my thoughts and the what ifs.....but as a friend of mine said,

"people are watching" and I want people to know that I love the Lord. I trust Him and He knows whats best for me.......He always does....


So I ask for prayer on Wednesday morning.....as they remove this nodule in my neck.

Pray that I have grace to travel dirt roads well. To not complain while I'm traveling and
to travel lite...

The smooth roads are fun, they are easy to walk down..

but these dirt roads are hard on the feet....no ice-cream and sprinkles out here....Just dirt roads.

But these roads lead you closer to the Lord. He's on the dirt roads...
He's traveling these dirt roads and he says I'm not alone and I believe Him because
I recognize the road I'm on. It's the same road I was on when we lost William..
so I'm not lost just getting familiar again with the dirt...that's under my feet.




37 comments:

Mrs. Q said...

Aw I'm sorry. I went through a similar experience this past year, thinking I was going to die and my main concern was, I won't be able to take care of my family! That was a very scary thought for me.

God, in His gracious mercy, has still preserved me thus far, for which I am so grateful. I will be praying for you Wednesday. Remember He has you in His hands.

God bless,

Mrs. Q

Jamie said...

I'm sorry too that you are going through this. I had a similar experience too. Everything turned out fine thankfully. I am praying for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much girls! I love hearing your words..


Robin

Anonymous said...

Robin,
I'm so sorry your walking through this. Praying for God to give you peace and comfort.

Blessings,
Sharon

Mama D.'s Dozen said...

I will be praying for you.

I was at the doctor's office with my 6 children under 7 years old (and without my husband) when I got the diagnosis, "You have thyroid cancer, and need surgery immediately."

Oh how I understand your fears.

While he biopsy confirmed cancer ... when the lemon-sized mass was removed, the Lord had healed the cancer and the mass was benign.

My whole thyroid was removed and I was told I would take that little pill for the rest of my life. However ... God had other plans. 17 years later, it was determined that "your thyroid is working fine", and I no longer take the little pills. So, it would appear that the Lord re-grew my thyroid, which is unheard of.

You are in God's hands. I will pray for complete healing. (read my "miracle" stories in my archives, if you want to hear more about how God has miraculously healed our family many times).

Hugs!

Laurel

wholesomewomanhood said...

Thank you for sharing this withh all of us. I'm holding you and your family up to the Lord in prayer.

Mrs. Stam said...

will be praying!!!

Corrie said...

Praying the Lord of the Universe grants you peace, comfort and strength. Praying for good news, and that His will be done.

Walking this dirt road with you.

Chantelle said...

Will absolutely pray for you and your family during this valley. ((((((hug))))) Please pleeeeeeeeease keep us posted!

Anonymous said...

Dear bloggy friends,
Each comment brings a smile to my face.....Hugs to you all..
love you and and so thankful I have your prayers..

Robin

Nabila Grace said...

Praying for you my dear! We serve a wonderful Healer! May His hands touch you and embrace you today!

Jaime @ Like a Bubbling Brook said...

Tears in my eyes reading this. Praying for you and your dear ones.

smallseven said...

Robin, I'm praying, praying God's healing hand to be upon you, in body, mind and Spirit. I KNOW our great God will show Himself faithful and strong on your behalf once again! BTW, my sister in law had thyroid cancer. She had surgery and bit of radiation and her life seems to be back to normal and returned to normal fairly quickly. You are such a faithful follower to our God, clinging to Him on the dirt roads and praising Him in the hard and easy seasons of life and it spurs me on to do the same! I've been on the dirt road for almost 2 yrs now. I know God has purpose in it all, though it is a painful time, and I feel SO ready for ice cream and sprinkles! Until then, I'll praise Him and hold on to Him with all my might!

Anonymous said...

OH thank you Lord for the sweet friends who have left messages and emails....You are all pouring into my life right thank you thank you!
I feel your prayers....

love and blessings,
robin

Every time I check my email there is a new message of love and support...that brings a big ole smile...

Amy in AL said...

Robin,
I've been following your blog for quite a while. You have encouraged me time and time again to cling to the Lord and not take for granted one moment as I help my husband and teach and care for our precious blessings every day. I have prayed for you many times through your loss of William and your adoption journey. I will lift your name once again to the throne of grace asking the Father for peace, comfort, strength, and healing on your behalf. It is my pleasure to continue to pray for you as you face this current trial. I look forward to hearing an update.
"Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16

Blessings,
Amy in AL

Rebekah said...

Been praying for you. Love you, girl.

Laine said...

Oh Robin sweet sweet sister...
Somehow, through your faith and your love and your trust, you put the sprinkles on the dirt road. You beautiful woman, you!

Rest assured you will be covered and smothered on Wednesday, January 12th. Bathe in the Word, which I know you will do. I will bathe you in Scripture and prayer. Already the Lord is speaking it over you...

Love you,

Laine

CWHill said...

Oh, I know how scared you must be. I will be praying for you and your family from now until I hear the positive outcome. Big hug.

Green Gardening Girl said...

The entire P family is praying for you!!!

We love you all!

6atkins said...

I will be keeping you all in my prayers!

Jess said...

Robin, we will be praying here! My husband had thyroid cancer about 10 years ago. He's doing great, they removed it and he went through radiation. The Doctor's all acted as if it wasn't a big deal. To us it was pretty scary and still is each year he goes back in for annual test. Jesus is in control,He has you and your family in his hands.

patchworkmommy said...

Robin, I will pray for you and your family. I am so so sorry you are going through this. I wish I had words to make your dirt road journey lighter. I will be praying.

Warmly,
Tina

Amy said...

Oh I am so sorry you are going through this... so scary. Praying over you and your entire family and trusting God will heal you completely.

Rachel said...

you are in my prayers

Our journey following Christ said...

The words in your blog have been such an encouragement time and time again. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I read your blog and the beauty of your posts puts things back into perspective for me.

I will pray for you on Wednesday and for the days to come. It is hard to sometimes see the 'why now' in God's timing. I've been there, too. But He is wise and knows the beginning from the end.

His fingerprints and care are all over this, especially the high blood pressure part. Yes, He has a purpose in this.

May God bless you, heal you and give you peace as you continue to show others what it means to walk side by side with our Savior.

Laura

Kim M. said...

Dear Robin,

My close friend here in Indiana JUST had that surgery right before Christmas. She is fine! I hope that encourages you although I know how scary that could be to hear. Also, From what I can tell you are in a WONDERFUL community of believers and to me that would be so comforting. Will be praying for you!
Love,
Kim Matlock

Kim said...

I will be praying!

Kim

Kim M. said...

Robin, I got your message. I will try to call you sometime tomorrow.

Darcy M. said...

Praying....

Renata said...

Hi Robin
I'm sorry to hear this & that I hadn't read this post earlier, but I want you to know that I am praying for you right now. For yourself & the drs & your family.
May God hold you close as you travel this path.
God bless you
Renata

Anonymous said...

Robin,

Of all times to get behind on your posts! I just discovered your prayer request today!

Just wanted you to know that we are praying for you and we love you.

I am praying Psalm 16 for you during this time. It is one of my favorites and speaks of God's Sovereignty in all things. May you feel secure in His Goodness and experience the peace that only He can give.

Keep me safe, my God,
for in you I take refuge.

I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing.”

LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup;
you make my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I keep my eyes always on the LORD.
With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
nor will you let your faithful one see decay.
You make known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Hugs from across the snow covered mountain...

Darby

Anonymous said...

Robin--

Just know that the Smith family is praying as well. I, too, just got diagnosed with thyroid problems and I know EXACTLY how scary it is! I haven't schedule my ultrasound check for the thyroid yet. Actually, I had decided not to do that at all. I feel so much better on the medicine, we are still trying to get everything regulated and just the blood work every month scares me. So I guess I canNOT say I know exactly how you feel I can just say I know how scared I was of just the little pill so I canNOT imagine the fear of surgery and .....

There isn't much I can say that the wonderful support hasn't already said. Remain steadfast in knowing that our Daddy in Heaven loves you and knows the plans he has for you. That he has already maid all of your crooked little dirt roads straight and everything works for the good. I know that stretches our faith sometimes.... We love you!!!

Melisa
for the Bubba Bunch

Anonymous said...

Robin- I'm so sorry. We will definitely be praying for you. We just learned my brother was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and will have surgery next week. His story is so similar to the others here - doctors say no big deal we do this all the time and the cure rate is really high. Easy for them to say :) We'll be praying for your peace and that this too will pass soon. Love to each and all, Jane for all the Boyds

Mrs. U said...

Hi!!!
I just saw this post here so I guess surgery has already taken place? I will be praying for you and your family. Keep your eyes on the Lord!!!

Praying!

His,
Shari

PS- I was blessed to meet you at the Baby Conference this past summer!! I felt like I was meeting a movie star because I love to look at your blog!! :)

Jen in Al said...

oh Robin it is 1/17 and i just saw this. I am praying for you and your sweet family! Blessings, jen in al

rcsnickers said...

I was shocked to read your post and hoping for an update. I am sorry to have asked previously if anyone in your family dealt with cancer when telling you all about my own Mother's battle. You are in God's hands, and from the looks of all the comments surrounded in prayer by all!!!! I am praying that you are recovering well and it comes back BENIGN!



Letisha

Annie H said...

I am praying for you!

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