Thursday, March 31, 2011

My Tent

He holds her and I, with my eye in the camera lens,

remember to give thanks for this moment, this daughter and this

wonderful husband. I have been busy lately, as most of my very few followers left

can tell by the lack of blog posts but...I can't seem to pull away

from this rowdy bunch like I used to. The girls are walking and talking

and my time, my precious few moments for me, seem to get used up rather quickly these days.

I find myself relating so much to Ann Voskamp in her book One Thousand Gifts:

"The world I live in is loud and blurring and toilet plugs and I get speeding tickets and the dog gets sick all over the back step and I forget everything and these six kids lean hard and there are real souls that are at stake and how long do I really have to figure out how to live full of grace, full of joy-before these six beautiful children fly the coop and my mothering days fold up quiet?"--------------------Ann Voskamp

my mothering days fold up quiet.......

...hit me sorta hard. Thinking of all I have to do now and then

remembering one day my hands will be still and my days lonely, perhaps...

and with all that's in me I fight back tears because

I like where I"m at.

but I can't stay here forever

Busy and popular.Not popular as the world knows popular

but popular in the sense I have alot of little fans

and some not so little fans that need me.

I have laundry to do

and books to read

boo-boo's to fix

and yes, toilets to unclog..

and when this chair calls I can't sit..

it beckons me and right then I have to make a decision, do I sit or do keep on?

So lately I've been keeping on...

I sense the flying the coop stage is not far away for me

you know one of mine out on a limb flapping hard against the wind to jump,

and when I sit down with my children at our big table

and the crickets so loud on the farm

you wanna tell them to hush.

I examine their brown eyes in the candle light and know that the change is happening.

I examine my own self and realize time is changing me also.

I continue to grow older.

Time won't stand still for even a minute

and so I find myself being used up by my 8 children and one adoring husband.

They do lean hard in on me I feel it at the end of the day.

Poured out

but I stand firm and enjoy the lessons I learn while I'm in this place.

This temporal place that the Lord has pitched my tent.

It will move, my tent, and I know the move is inevitable, but right now,

right here, the sand under my tent is familiar

and when I run my toes through it I know how to walk.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

His Hands

His hands have held me for over 20 years.

His hands have kept me warm, have held me

when I was scared, and caught my tears when they roll down.

His hands have pushed my hair out of my face when I was barely asleep,

and almost don't remember, but I remember for some reason.

His hands fill my tub and then wash my back.

His hands drive me to beautiful places and wonderful food.His hands have driven me down roads that I went unwilling and his

hands slowly released my grip into his, never being the first to let go.

His hands have made my burden light and the road I travel easy.

The day I wed I don't believe
I gave much thought to the hands that held mine that April day.
I didn't or couldn't imagine that the paths we would travel
would be so deep within woods and that I would need him
to hold my hand and lead me through. The deep paths of
losing parents and babies.The hard days, the bad days,
you don't think about much when you're wearing that dress.
That this man will lead you through.

He is..   
Still leading me through the thick forest that
we call life. The words I said 19 years ago
"till death do us part" were just words until recently...
some 19 years later and the "getting older"
is becoming a reality.

Until Death do us part.

Seems closer now.... Then It seemed then.

I don't want to imagine my life without him.
Without his hands that are always protecting, providing,
and prefecting in me what God can only do through marriage.  
His hands that lead me closer to the cross when he
opens the word and when the forrest is dark before us
the word he is holding brings light to our path. 

Beautiful light in the darkest of days
and the best of days.

I love you,

Happy Anniversary

Monday, March 28, 2011

The miracle of just them




....that living my life poured out is always worth it.
Sharing a simple apple and holding it there so when
she comes back she knows.
Playing at the park until they're so tired they fall
asleep as soon as the engine starts.
Looking in my rearview mirror and seeing
the ticking of time and feeling it more these days.
Sharing the day and when the stars come out
sharing my night time also until I honestly 
believe I have not one ounce of  me anywhere in sight.
Who have I become? Where is God leading me?
I don't feel the rush. I don't feel the longing to be away
for a while. I feel like I need every minute training and teaching
and loving and being their mama.
I grab my bible and laying in bed I lift up my day
to my Father and strain to hear Him say,
"Well done, Robin, you were faithful today
to what I have called you to. Now get some rest
and tomorrow you will do the same exact thing
and this time try and learn to slow down a bit more
and enjoy them alot more."
Oh, Lord, help me always
to enjoy them more and never miss the miracle
of just them.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Wild Flower Days

A brother with hands dirty teaching her how to trust him. His hands are dirty though, but his whispers are clean and pure, " keep trying Channie, you can do this".
The Lord reminding me to listen to Him through the voice of a little boy. I can do this, I all this and not make a mess out of it, out of everyone around. Just keep trying right? And so I do. The days seem over filled and my watch, with never enough time on it, keeps me running from morning till the moon shines in my bedroom. I still think I've missed a special kiss or alone time with my husband or a thousand other things but I hear Him loud and clear....."Just keep Trying" and I do.

The winter has been long on the farm. A hard winter... and as the cool air runs northward, the Sun defrosts all that's alive around here. Trees budding the life beneath our feet growing wild and green...weeds and all.
My little boys have found their way to my heart again with vases of flowers that stay filled with their gifts. I take them anew every single day and keep reminding myself that the oldest boy used to bring me flowers by the fist-full with the days play all over his dirty face. His vase for me always full, now stands empty. He doesn't bring in the wild flowers that grow on our farm anymore.. he's busy turning a curve into manhood and the sheer size of him keeps reminding me that my wild flower days with him are over and eventually all my vases will stand empty as the boys each take their turn into the journey of manhood.
I will be thankful for the lessons I learn as they grow and change in my front yard. As they hold bikes and climb trees, I will be the first to stand and say, "Thank You Lord, for the wild things that play in my yard. May I tend them well, pulling their weeds, yet letting them grow strong and tall and when it's time to release them help me Lord to release them well." No regrets.

We can learn to see Christ in all things, even the growing up of our boys, but as Ann Voskamp wrote in her book "sometimes it takes years for us to have the right perspective."

"In time, years, dust settles.
In memory, ages, God emerges.
Then we look back, we see God"

We see Him turning the day to day struggles into life lessons.
We see Him teaching us that its so much better to be kind and gentle and patient as our
children grow, instead of short tempered and full of anger.

I have the perspective of seeing one son almost grown and three more not far
behind. I have changed through the years and I'm so thankful I have more chances
to do things different. To learn the lesson of time.... To learn the lessons of Perspective..


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