Tuesday, March 27, 2012

they itched her....

Her name is Rosie and well, she has been a part of our family for almost 4 years. She has traveled the many vacations with us and  been sick with us.She goes to church with us and to the grocery store on a lot of occasions. She has more clothes than I do and she gets to sleep with Channie-Mae.  This little doll named Rosie is just the sort of memories I like to store up.
I can hear Channie whispering to her in the other room and so I tip-toe to see what the secrets are between these two friends. Rosie is telling Channie in that familiar "Rosie" voice that her panty hose itch and Channie says "ok, well you don't have to wear them." I walk over and say, "Channie, where are Rosie's panty hose?" and she says "Mom they itched her and I took them off."
I want the memories of playing mommy to hold a special place in her heart when she is older. I want her dolls to have names and be passed down from generation to generation. I want her finger prints to be forever etched into that doll she loves so dearly. I want her to remember the beauty of her childhood and pass down that beauty to her own children. I want to remember Channie Mae being 5 years old forever....but more than that I want her to remember being 5 years old and playing pretend and having a sweet fondness of her childhood.

Channie, I could never say enough about how much I love you and how proud of you I am and how I love being your mom.God blessed me the day you were born and I don't deserve you!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

People yelling

He loves to fish and he sits on that pond dam and fishes until I call him in. Shoes off and feet wet just the way he likes it. I can't help sitting out on the porch and watching him. This guy is such a blessing to me and our family.
He is the type of child that is eager to please and easy to love. Oh, the thankfulness that overwhelms me when I think about and re-tell the stories of how this child was the child of restoration for my life for our life.

Remembering the world yelling at me to stop having children....I stopped....

God used him in a mighty way to show me that I could trust Him. He taught me that even though I was unfaithful, He was always at work in my heart to bring me back to the place of allowing Him to give us as many children as He wanted.
We had the surgery and we used every last penny we had in our savings. We prayed for a miracle and we got more.
The people all yelling for us to not do this.
We didn't listen and we got him, we got Cooper and then we got Cullen and Chandler..and yes, we got William even though we won't see him again until heaven.
Take that Satan.
Where you wanted death, God brought life....I will no longer believe your lies or trust what you have to say...I will question everything......I will not believe anyone or anything except my precious Lord.
I will read His word and get my answers.

 We got a son that truly is a remarkable young man who loves the Lord. Every time I think about it I could go to my knees and cry and keep thanking the Lord for this brown eyed fisherman. Where would I be? Where would our family be without his kind spirit and helpful hands? We would be standing in regret for the rest of our lives over what we had done. The Lord was kind and even though our decision to reverse our vasectomy reversal didn't mean He, the giver of life, had to restore my womb but He did. Leaving me changed. Forever
leaving us a legacy of life after death.

He has given life to us at least 10 other times. Some of those precious children are with Him now. He chose for some of my children to never suffer or to ever question. I didn't get to hold them or look into their big brown eyes but I held them for weeks and sometimes months...and William I held for 31 weeks..When you're a mother you start holding them the minute you find out your expecting life.Oh, I don't regret the heart ache or the months of throwing up or the way each pregnancy changed my body or my life... I got to hold life..I will see my little brown eyed William again as well as the others and what a homecoming I will have when I kneel before the Lord and He raises His hands and our little babies coming running, singing and playing and I will see them all and get to hold them again. Get to smell their skin and do all the things that I didn't get to do here. I will look up and see my Father smiling at me. Oh. how I wish I could tell you the road has been easy but in fact it's been a battle. It's been a battle with family, friends, people off the street....but I'm on the front lines fighting because I believe life is better than death...and children are life. Don't listen to the world...don't listen to the people telling you that death is better than life. We are in a battle and it is one that is worth fighting for.  Life is precious, because God created us in His image, all life is precious, and the battle to preserve it at all costs is what I believe God demands of us as believers.


Monday, March 19, 2012

Attitudes of the Farm

My little troop is all different colors.
We have all kinds of attitudes to deal with in my troop and all kinds of training.
But God says, "Robin, train up your children in the way they should go and
 when they're old they won't depart from it".
That tells me I have sinful little children that need me to train them...for their future.
 Me a mom..
I have a huge job before me and everyday I must be ready to fight for and run after
my children.

We have attitudes to deal with and... this is just it....we all have attitudes.... it's just easier for me to pick up on others attitudes then it is for me to pick up on mine. I am a mother and if I know my sheep I know when attitudes are going down hill and I should deal with them quickly and swiftly. I do most of the time. Sometimes though I look at them and think how I must look to my Father. Arms crossed, eyes directed away from Him. I'm so thankful He knows me and comes running after me when I walk away. He is my good Shepherd.
...and I'm so thankful I am His sheep, He watches over me and brings me to green pastures. So I could do no less for my little girl...I run after her heart. I pull her into green pastures and I don't leave her.
I love her and when she shows me her heart and it's full of selfishness and is unloving and unkind I know I have a lot of work ahead of me...but I don't mind. I keep feeding her from God's word and God reminds me to keep training. Always Training..

"Train up a child in the way he should go"...and so I train for the future. I train my boys to love girls.
Their girls, like me and their sisters...because later in life if I have trained them to love us they will not depart from their training. I'm teaching them to love their wives now. Flowers, kisses, and symbols of love like opening car doors, grabbing a blanket for a cold sister.. learning to pray, teaching them to study God's word and then letting them do bible time for us. I'm training...them for the day that they will have their own home and wife.

 Oh mothers, don't let a day go by that you don't remember that future homes depend on you.
 God gave you marching orders...
and He gave you a little army, if He gave you children..
So train them for battle, train them for marriage,
train them to love God with all their heart, soul, and mind.

Blessings from the training field of the farm,

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Taylor's Rolls

I love being in the kitchen when she tries something new.
Tonight she was making Julia Childs beef bourguignon.
She laughed and we giggled as she cut, sauteed and
cooked this incredible dinner for our family.
She is a friend to me.
She is a fantastic cook.
She loves the Lord.
She is funny and she can make a kitchen
smell down right fabulous. 

This is just wrong

Julia says you can't cook without the pearls and so she wears them..
and we laugh some more as the lightning bugs light up the yard
and I watch her make her homemade yeast rolls. 

Butter dripping and the kids are begging for just one bite.
Heck, I'm begging for just one bite.

So today we will share her famous recipe and let you smell up your kitchen.
Be prepared it's not for the faint of heart<3

Blessings from the farm,

  Homemade Yeast Rolls:
  Preheat oven to 350*.

 In a small bowl combine 2 1/4 teaspoon yeast with 1/2 cup warm water. Mix and set aside.
 In large mixing bowl add 1 stick softened butter (or heaping tablespoon of coconut oil), 2 tablespoons of sugar, 1 tablespoon salt, and 2 cups of warm water; stir and 1 1/2 cups of white flour mix and then add your choice of a remaining 2 to 3 cups of either white or wheat flour until a soft dough forms. It should be slightly sticky but not "wet". Cover and allow to rise for 30 mins. Grease cookie sheet and form rolls. Bake for 20-25 mins, brushing tops with butter before you pull them out of the oven. Enjoy!

 {posted from the archives}

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Beautiful Reminders

Today is a beautiful cloudy overcast day. The temperature is warm and I'm sitting here looking out across this farm remembering. Remembering the little boy buried on the edge of this 40 acres. This time of year is always a time of remembering for me. The dogwood trees are in bloom and there is a huge dogwood tree gently stretching her arms over my little boys grave. So when I turn my eyes toward the east and look through the tree line I can find the place...It's beautiful and I can say that now. It has taken three years for the Lord to show me that William's death was not in vain and His plan is beautiful.  I get to share my earthly inheritance with some pretty wonderful people.
He has not left me nor has He forsaken me, He has been like a beautiful vase filled with beautiful flowers and I find myself always going back and breathing them in and remembering God set them there.
For Me.

I get to spend hours training, watching and laughing at these little girls who God used to heal my heart and to bless our family. He uses a lot of things to heal us or remind us that He wants us to be happy even during the hard times. A vase of flowers picked by one of my little guys and he sat them in the middle of the yard?! I started to say, "Cullen move those to the front porch" but before I could everyone started coming over and looking at the flowers and smelling them. Even the dog.
 When things are out of place people notice. 
When things happen that shake up your life people take notice of how you handle such times.
When you adopt children people notice. When you have a van full of kids people stare. When you choose to stay home and be a wife and mother people wonder.
When you homeschool people doubt.
When you live your life totally sold out to Christ you will be a vase sitting out of place.
 Some may see the beauty, others may not see the beauty. Oh, but I tell you that since our vase 
has pretty much been sitting in the middle for a while...I love letting people know why we do what we do and who we do it for.
   Oh, He has so blessed me and the tears I cry still to this day, are tears of appreciation to a sweet compassionate Father who does not leave me with ashes....

 But with a vase filled to the rim with beautiful days and beautiful reminders to enjoy the simple things.


Friday, March 9, 2012

To be like Him

He lived a plain life.
He came from a plain, poor family.
Messed up relationships in those families.
He had people that didn't understand him.
He watched as his mom had to suffer the death of a child.
He taught like I teach, I wonder if like me, He wondered if
His disciples ever "got it". He seemed to repeat himself a lot..:)
He welcomed little children in His lap.
He forgave.
He had friends who betrayed Him and He still kept loving.
He didn't go boil some drug to calm His nerves, He kept on
because He knew that what He was doing was hard work, but
it was a work He alone could do.
He couldn't pay someone else to do it.
I wonder if He ever looked heavenward and said
"Could you make all of this better?"
Do I believe He wants me to be happy?
Yes, but do I believe my happiness is His top priority? Uh, no.
I want Him to make my life painless but it hasn't been without pain.
His letters to me tell me to have joy and contentment in all things.
Some of the most incredible people I have met are not the richest or prettiest,
but the ones that have lost much and are still able to serve others on the other side.
Still able to be happy inspite of
There's a lot of people who spout knowledge and I appreciate that, but the ones that inspire me are the ones that have lived through it and are on the other side still praising the Lord. They seem to have a brokenness to them.
 They seem to know their place.
To know that their desires didn't win out 
they suffered and lived to tell about it.
To know our place.
That our happiness and our desires may not be His desires.
He's not going to fix it all for us just because we're His children.
Sometimes walking through it will make us better.
More loving, more caring, more empathic....
Things you can't buy.
I often laugh because I tell people I love finding ways to make my children work more. It's the truth, when they have to work hard, when they have to work
long, it builds their character.
As parents we need to make sure our children know their happiness is not what should drive them.
"When I get a new car, I'll be happy" yeah, until it breaks down...
"When I get married, then I'll be happy" yeah, until you realize he's a sinner, just like you...
"If I was 50lbs lighter, then I would be happy " nope. not going to happen..
"When God gives me more children, then I'll be happy"
you and I will not be happy
until our happiness comes from Him
and our desires are not our own
but His desires
How can we help our kids learn this?
make them work
from the youngest to the oldest
let them cook
clean up
take care of little ones
burp babies
change diapers
clean bathrooms
feed animals
cut grass
change sheets

teach them that work is a way of life, if they try and get out of it give them more..

Help them to die to self early.
We have to teach our children that they will find much happiness in 
work if they do it to please God.

If they are constantly trying to get out of work they will never, ever be happy because their selfishness will win out and they will become lazy bums who expect the world to do it for them.

There I said it.

So my pursuit of happiness has not always been happy but it makes me realize my place and who I am.

A daughter to a humble King who came to serve, not be served.
Who came from a dysfunctional family and turned out ok...
 I'm glad about this one!

A daughter to a King who didn't complain about His job or His circumstances, 
He just did it and did it well, I might add.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

My life's a mess

 The one thing I have come to realize in having a large family is that it's messy. My home seems to be the breeding ground of sins revealed. Those sins that are only found in groups of people who love each other but rub each other the wrong way just about every day.The sin of choosing to not cherish every single moment with the precious family that the Lord has put us in. The sins of laziness and stubbornness as we raise the next generation to love the Lord. It's hard. It's not for the faint of heart and it's not for those who think a large family is glamorous  or fun. No, it's just plain messy..The walls of our home bending as we learn to love and die to ourselves every single day.

Living along side all of these little people keep bringing out the mud packed nastiness of me and my sin. You know, the part of me that would rather not be seen. The part of me that wonders if what I'm doing is really worth all the mess. Then I read Proverbs 14:4, "Where no oxen are, the crib is clean: but much increase is by the strength of the ox".

I'm often amazed at how my life impacts everyone around me. You have 8 children..You have a little boy who lives with you for months at a time while his mother is sick. messy...who does that? Well we do that.. We live messy and open lives that only God can clean up and He continues to bless us with every new mess that we live for Him.

Life properly lived is going to be dirty. I'm thankful for a Savior who walks besides me as I push through the mud and the muck and realize that it's all worth it. At the end of a day when I have nothing else to give I sleep because my hope is in the Lord and I keep walking deeper and deeper into the messes of this world to help people and the more I say yes the more He shows up in my life and in the life of my children.

My life will not be defined by how clean I kept my house but when I stand before the Lord may I be so honored to be filthy and my clothes in rags and have done it all for Him and to see my mud on His feet because He doesn't leave messes He walks us through them to green pastures of waters of living hope.

Honored today to be walking out my mission field and my He be Glorified.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Where do the little boys go?

Boys on lakes and guys on bikes.... The house was nestled in the tall pines and I was taken aback at how very at home I felt there. The breeze brisk but the children's smiles were enough to warm the coldest of days.

The water held them for most of the afternoon. The boat slowly going from edge to edge and me watching from the porch. I wonder where the times goes.
 I wonder where the little boys go when they're turning into these incredible little guys that I love to watch. Toothless and loving...This age is magical and overwhelming as I spend everyday with them.     
The things they do make me nervous and cringe but I let them do it it anyway...
they're boys after all.

 Most of their teeth are gone and they're most always hurt but I'm captivated by them. The way they run with wonder and jump at doing the exciting things. The dangerous things. The way they spend hours throwing balls to dogs and never getting tired. The way they climb trees and love fires. 

The boat continues taking out my guys and bringing them back. The water bringing the laughter. The water and sun reminding me that the time is changing. 

Our dear friends making sure that we felt right at home. Loving on our little guy Aayden and taking the time
to sit a spell and share their table with us. Why is it that when you're in a home that loves your children and takes the time to get to know them your children talk so fondly of these new friends, as if they have been our best friends for years? It's the holding my babies, tying their shoes, getting them a drink, throwing them up in the air. It's washing their hands and teaching them for just an afternoon how to chop wood. It's all the little things that add up in my children's mind and these almost strangers become like family in one afternoon.

 When our friends slowed down and invested their time in our life for just an afternoon they made a lot of new little friends.
It reminds me to invest in the lives that are put in my path, whether it be for a month or just a day. It reminds me to  take the time to get to know and love on the children that walk through my door.

It's a reminder that these guys are growing and changing and I love watching them turn into the men that one day will welcome families in their home. I had to laugh at Coop who forgot his play clothes and ended up looking 'Amish.' He didn't care his love for the rough things couldn't hold him back.

I have been in homes where I felt like we were intruding and maybe too loud. I kind of felt like we we're just "too much".  
But when at the end of the day you drag your family away from the water, food and fellowship of a home that welcomes you and all your children it's truly a perfect day to remember and a perfect reminder
to love...  


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