On November 12, 2007 I landed in Monrovia, Liberia to bring home a little sick baby boy whom I did not know.
No one prepared me.
As I landed, the heat of the African continent was breath-taking.
No one prepared me.
No one prepared me for the amount of people I would see or the noise that was there.
No one prepared me for the smell, the sights or the faces of the people I would see.
I walked into a new world and my main goal was to walk out of that world alive and well.
I was frightened most of this trip. Scared that Jo's paper work wouldn't go through.
Scared to sleep in a strangers house with guards and gates around me.
I just wanted to be on the other side and have Jo safe at home with my family.
I doubted our decision to adopt, I doubted my ability to survive in this country.
Fear does alot of things, but one of the main things it does is keep you from doing the will of God because you're too fearful to take chances or to do "hard things." You're too afraid to take a chance so you miss a blessing.
The night was March the 24th 2009
Driving in the rain to a hospital.
No one prepared me
No one told me how it would it feel to lose life before you met life.
No one prepared me for the look of heart break in my husbands eyes
when they said they couldn't find a heart beat. NO one prepared me for the sights I would see
or the noise that would surround me that night.
No one prepared me for the days that followed and the massive hole that
is and will be Forever in my heart.
I just wanted to survive.
I wanted to wake up every morning still breathing and remembering that God's plan is perfect.
No one prepared me for the months that would follow when the heart ache gets so bad that you have to pull over on the side of the road until you stop crying. No one prepared me for the anger that I felt.
I just wanted to be on the other side of this. Looking back and saying "I made it through."
Life is scary. Life can be difficult to navigate sometimes and you wanna throw in the towel and say " I'm through, I'll coast from here thank you! NO more chances. No more living on the edge. My heart can't go through anymore hurt or anymore pain. I'm sure the Lord understands."
But does He? Our life is not our own and when you let that sink in, I mean REALLY sink in you know that our life belongs to the Lord and He expects big things from us. We are not to live in fear. We have a big God with big life changing adventures for us and we should be living beyond ourselves all the time.
To bring Him glory.
When you go through 'hard times' you have a couple of choices...(This is me preparing you..)
you either get bitter or draw closer to the Lord.
My choice is the latter. I will not give up..I will not go down saying "well I was too scared to do this or that because I lost so much and the pain is too bad."
I will live my life to the fullest...
When I die Lord willing an old old woman I want a bunch of children around my bed sending me
on to the other side saying 'well done mom'.
I have six voices now and Scott and I are moving forward with our adoption of voice #7....
We will not stop our calling in life.
We will move forward and trust that the Lord will use us to grow up another soul to love Him..
Will there be heartache? I don't know..
Will it be scary? I'm sure the un-known is always scary and for me lately that's been my way of life.
What's supposed to happen hasn't been happening and I've had to trust the Lord on a level that I've never had to trust him before.
Adoption I know is a put yourself out there kinda thing, but I don't just want to "survive" this journey. I want to live this journey....I want to make waves and the only way I know to do that is keep moving forward with my head up high looking to my Father.
It's trusting when I don't possibly know how every thing is going to work out.
But I'm in!! Scott's in. Heck, our whole family is in.......We know that this will change our life and we say "Bring It On".....
Voice #7, mamma's looking for you and I can't wait to see God show up and show out in our life...
I guess the main point I want you to see is that No-one can prepare you for YOUR hard-times.
You have to resolve to push forward through each hard time and grow and trust and keep moving..You can't change the past but you can impact the future..........
YEAH!!! Congrats on pursuing adoption again!!! You guys are some of the best parents I have EVER seen. Your new little one will be so blessed by you.
I miss you friend. . let's talk soon.
I'm IN TOO!
I know it's been a rough, tough and dark journey these last few months. I'm still praying for ya'll! I admire your faith so! YOu praise God and trust HIm in the darkest of times. It is such a powerful testimony! It's encouraged me so much many many times here recently as I've faced some hardship myself. I think, "I want to be like Robyn."
I love ya'll!
come see me at thesmallones.com
BTW CONGRATULATIONS on #7! This child will bring you much joy!
Oh, its going to be exciting to watch this journey!
You guys are so great. We are praying for #7 to come meet his family soon.
My daughter, who has a two-year-old son, is due to deliver a baby girl on August 2. There is some question as to the health of the baby. Since my daughter (and her husband) had already started adoption proceedings before her pregnancy, they continue to move forward and are in the process of adopting from Taiwan. They will most likely adopt a sibling group since they didn't want to separate them. I am praying that God will give everyone in the immediate families a supernatural love for these kids who will most likely be here in early 2010. In an email to our entire family (I have ten kids, and my son-in-law has three siblings), my daughter wrote:
"Pray that we would be able to prepare as much as possible for the arrival of all of these kids, and that there would be a SOMEWHAT seamless transition. Pray that the kids will know they're loved, and that grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins all adjust well (this is pure and undefiled religion)."
So, we look forward to a year of new family (we had a grandson born in May, and have yet another one due in November), and are thankful that God continues to lay adoption on the hearts of many that we know.
Finally, in his booklet "The Priority of God in a World of Self: Pleasing God," Alistair Begg writes of trials and tests in a human, realistic, not to mention honest way, when he writes:
"We tend to run away from the things that make us. We should neither court suffering nor complain about it. Instead we should see it as one of the means God chooses to employ in order to make us increasingly useful to the Master. It is from this perspective that James urges his readers to 'consider it pure joy...whenever you face trails of many kinds.'" James 1:2
"Often, we can adopt such an attitude only in LOOKING BACK (caps mine). Many times the immediate sense of failure and disappointment is so overwhelming that we are unable to grasp the benefit packages. We need to remember this when talking with our friends who are in the eye of the storm. At that moment our presence is more important than our pronouncements and our silences more eloquent than our speech."
I especially like the part about not courting suffering!
You are making me cry! I still pray for you Mrs. Rob, and I am happy that you will have another blessing through adoption. Thank you SO MUCH for yeasterday! It was so fun to be with my second family.
I love you guys and can't wait to meet your precious baby! God is good!
I am so excited for you! This adoption journey is sure one of living life abundantly:)
Robin, you make me want to be better. You are an amazing (even if you are very human) lady. Much love to you and yours, Shauna Phillips
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