On November 12, 2007 I landed in Monrovia, Liberia to bring home a little sick baby boy whom I did not know.
No one prepared me.
As I landed, the heat of the African continent was breath-taking.
No one prepared me.
No one prepared me for the amount of people I would see or the noise that was there.
No one prepared me for the smell, the sights or the faces of the people I would see.
I walked into a new world and my main goal was to walk out of that world alive and well.
I was frightened most of this trip. Scared that Jo's paper work wouldn't go through.
Scared to sleep in a strangers house with guards and gates around me.
I just wanted to be on the other side and have Jo safe at home with my family.
I doubted our decision to adopt, I doubted my ability to survive in this country.
Fear does alot of things, but one of the main things it does is keep you from doing the will of God because you're too fearful to take chances or to do "hard things." You're too afraid to take a chance so you miss a blessing.
The night was March the 24th 2009
Driving in the rain to a hospital.
No one prepared me
No one told me how it would it feel to lose life before you met life.
No one prepared me for the look of heart break in my husbands eyes
when they said they couldn't find a heart beat. NO one prepared me for the sights I would see
or the noise that would surround me that night.
No one prepared me for the days that followed and the massive hole that
is and will be Forever in my heart.
I just wanted to survive.
I wanted to wake up every morning still breathing and remembering that God's plan is perfect.
No one prepared me for the months that would follow when the heart ache gets so bad that you have to pull over on the side of the road until you stop crying. No one prepared me for the anger that I felt.
I just wanted to be on the other side of this. Looking back and saying "I made it through."
Life is scary. Life can be difficult to navigate sometimes and you wanna throw in the towel and say " I'm through, I'll coast from here thank you! NO more chances. No more living on the edge. My heart can't go through anymore hurt or anymore pain. I'm sure the Lord understands."
But does He? Our life is not our own and when you let that sink in, I mean REALLY sink in you know that our life belongs to the Lord and He expects big things from us. We are not to live in fear. We have a big God with big life changing adventures for us and we should be living beyond ourselves all the time.
To bring Him glory.
When you go through 'hard times' you have a couple of choices...(This is me preparing you..)
you either get bitter or draw closer to the Lord.
My choice is the latter. I will not give up..I will not go down saying "well I was too scared to do this or that because I lost so much and the pain is too bad."
I will live my life to the fullest...
When I die Lord willing an old old woman I want a bunch of children around my bed sending me
on to the other side saying 'well done mom'.
I have six voices now and Scott and I are moving forward with our adoption of voice #7....
We will not stop our calling in life.
We will move forward and trust that the Lord will use us to grow up another soul to love Him..
Will there be heartache? I don't know..
Will it be scary? I'm sure the un-known is always scary and for me lately that's been my way of life.
What's supposed to happen hasn't been happening and I've had to trust the Lord on a level that I've never had to trust him before.
Adoption I know is a put yourself out there kinda thing, but I don't just want to "survive" this journey. I want to live this journey....I want to make waves and the only way I know to do that is keep moving forward with my head up high looking to my Father.
It's trusting when I don't possibly know how every thing is going to work out.
But I'm in!! Scott's in. Heck, our whole family is in.......We know that this will change our life and we say "Bring It On".....
Voice #7, mamma's looking for you and I can't wait to see God show up and show out in our life...
I guess the main point I want you to see is that No-one can prepare you for YOUR hard-times.
You have to resolve to push forward through each hard time and grow and trust and keep moving..You can't change the past but you can impact the future..........