I know that most of you have never experienced the loss of a child but those of you who have may can contest to what I'm feeling right now.
Grief is an energy zapper. It drains you so fast and you can neither stop it or slow it down.
There are certain 'triggers' that recall your broken heart up to the surface and then the grief over takes you..Your in the middle of a thunder storm of your emotions before you or your husband or friends even know anything is happening...
The only thing you can do is keep walking..
It feels like your walking with 50lb weights tied to your ankle's though so it's not as easy as it sounds..
Those of you serious about your 5-k training ever tried running in the rain?
Your running in the same place, you have the same clothes on, it's the same time of day but it's raining so EVERYTHING is different.
Your wet, your getting your face smacked by little rain drops your not comfortable..Your trail or road looks like the dry one but the trees are heavy with the rain that flows. The ground is soft and muddy and you have to keep moving..You can't stop..
You want to stop and just let the rain pound, let the mud rise and the lighting strike but you keep moving.
Grief over the loss of William has left me broken and wandering in the rain alot but you may not see it unless your one of my few friends that know me well but it's there..I try to keep moving forward and I do and some days the weight feels like 10lbs but today it feels like 150.
So I ask for prayer from all of you I'm trying to be real on this journey so that no-one gets the impression it's easy because it's the hardest road I've traveled.