Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Part 2 of getting the focus off....

Look for areas in your kids life that they are holding on too tight to something..Their things, Their games ,it could be anything.....

This is a tough one because for so many of us we strive to give our
kids all....

But selfishness starts EARLY.......

We have all of our boys in the same room. We have a large house but we choose
to teach our boys how to get along with the space they are given..ie a bunk bed.
We are constantly getting rid of things and the boys have few possessions
We share everything.....with the exception of a favorite blanket or 'baby'..
Now keep in mind my older kids do have things that the younger ones are NOT allowed
to touch...This teaches them respect for others things. But you have to lose things
before you can have them..
Meaning Your possessions don't come before your relationships..This is a tough thing to learn for anyone..But it's so worth your time.As a mom I'm finding out that I have very few things that don't get borrowed or broken and if I was so attached to my things I would be in a constant uproar..Don't be afraid to take things away from your kids and start over..I have been known to bag up all their things and put them in the attic..

This room idea works for all ages..Taylor shares a room with Channie....It has bonded them so wonderfully..It really just brings your older kids to a whole new level of watching out for the little people in their world.It gives them responsibility, commitment, and a new love for one another.

If you don't have older kids I would move my younger ones into a room together.
If nothing else your kids weaknesses that you need to help them work on will be revealed..If little sister is scared don't call out for me you can comfort her..Tell her a story or just hold her hand...

So, what if your saying to yourself my kids would kill each other..I would shout for
joy for you if you were right here with me...You have a golden opportunity to teach them so much by just keeping them together and training them to love one another.
I would cross their world up so much they wouldn't know what hit them.
I sometimes find my two 2 year olds fighting over their drinks at the dinner table.
I take a mental note and at breakfast I make them share a drink. Now I tell you this is not for the faint of heart you have to be serious about training them to love their neighbor because this could get ugly with a couple of two year olds but they do it. They learn that I'm not kidding when it comes to fighting over something..If they don't share with my instruction and they both are still fighting over and crying over the drink I take the drink from the table..The funny thing is the next time we sit down they share a drink again and I remind them that they need to take turns and if they don't I will take the drink from the table...It's amazing but it works......

Do you have a couple of children that fight in the car so you separate them.
I don't, I sit them next to each other and tell them I will not accept fighting
and fussing and they will learn to love each other ....(crossing their worlds)
In my marriage Scott rubs me the wrong way sometimes but I have to learn to love him
regardless..I can't pull away from him and I can't sit somewhere else..(although I do this from time to time..)hey I'm a sinner...
Teach them to work through personality difficulties and you are teaching them something that will last a life time.

This is something we did a couple years ago at Christmas..We bought a family gift.
We built the kids a tree house. They had to learn to share the
gift and to realize that the gift was for them all..It was a huge teaching moment
because none of them had rights to the gift it was for all..(crossing their worlds)

Sorry this post is so long I will pick up tomorrow..

Talk to me let me know how you cross your children's worlds......


Amanda said...

This sounds wonderful, we kinda did this last Christmas. Each child got three gifts and one gift had to be shared. It really worked will and saved us tons of money. I wish my two would share a room, buy Emma sleeps on the couch and Tyler on our floor (on a daycare cot). He did sleep in his bed last night. Love reading your blog and it really helps me realize that I must be more strict with my two. Thanks for the wisdom.

Anonymous said...

WOW, cool bunkbeds...who designed those?

Jeanette said...

PRAY!! for me!!!! :) I have done so much wrong that sometimes I feel overwhelmed! I am working on getting things on the right track, but it is soooo hard!!! Your blog really encourages me! Thanks for all the straight forward, easy to grasp advice!! ;)

missy said...

LOVE these last 2 posts. We try to do many of the things you talk about here, and you're right, it's so very hard, but not much in life is more worth the effort. I can't tell you how many times Kevin and I have gone to a couples military function and discussed the
whearabouts of our children. People cannot believe that we leave them at home with the older ones in charge. Many of them have a perfectly capable teenager at home who could watch their siblings, but still have to pay a babysitter because their children cannot get a long and the younger ones do not respect the older ones as an authority when mom and dad are gone. It makes me so sad that they accept this as normal.

We did the group gift last Christmas too....a trampoline. I don't think we put as much thought into the "why" of it all as you guys did, but now that you mentioned it, that's a good way to go. We'll definitely consider this for future Christmases.

Grumbling in our house always results in the exact opposite that the kids were hoping for.

Playing with friends outside of the family is a privilege, not an automatic right, or a way to get away from each other. If the kids can't treat one another as well as they treat their friends, or if their friends can't accept their siblings and treat them well when they are at our house, then they lose the right to play with others.

You inspire to me to do more. Thanks for sharing, you wise mamma, you. MORE...MORE...

Love you and Thank you,

Unknown said...

My 3 boys share a small bedroom and I believe you are right it forces them to learn to get along. I also cross my kids worlds by homeschooling them. We are together all the time, every day, it can get crazy around here at times but I believe it is helping us to be less selfish. Great post!

Kathy, Jeff's Wife said...

Excellent post! You're so wise!

Our girls are 14 and 17 and share a room even though we have a spare bedroom. We use to have 3 girls in one room. They have to die to themselves ALOT, but they also have many, many treasured memories!

It is a difficult balance between surrendering your personal rights (which we truly have none) and teaching respect for other's property. :o) Ain't parenting fun?!

Brandi said...

Amen! We do this too. I love having my boys in the same room b/c of all of those reasons. It ehlped us with Brayden having a good friend early on who we spent so much time with. . it's like he was never an only child! From the beginning, we've said "you own NOTHING, you use things of ours as a gift ofour graciousness!" This has worked so well with our kids and they aren't super attached to anything, except their blankies. We need to start doing even more of this! Thanks for your awesome posts. . you should write a book or bible study for us younger moms!

PS I'm blaming you when they have to share a drink at dinner! he he

Love you,

Unknown said...

Great post Robin, I do my best to try and instill these ideas in Abbie's life, it is so hard with an only child...there is no one to share with. it has taken a lot of work from the beginning, but she is so much different than any others only child it has paid off.

Anonymous said...

Great post! We employ similar methods with our brood.

In Christ, Laura

Anonymous said...

Great Post!! I love your thoughts on this. We have told our kids many of the same things. We tell them that Mommy and Daddy are "sharing" with them, and it can be taken away, etc...Working together has bonded them so much. I love hearing them all sing while they are cleaning up the dishes, etc... lov eya, Denise

Livin' out loud said...

AMEN!! This is so absolutely TRUE!! Our experince is a little different in that we have adopted out of birth order so that alone causes us to find special ways for "bonding". When our 7-yr old came home she did not want to share ANYTHING...and I was feeling that perhaps she needed more of her "own"...space, things etc..I couldn't have been more wrong!! The MORE I put these girls together the closer and closer they have gotten!!


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