Monday, March 25, 2013

The Dogwoods Are In Bloom

The dogwood tree stands, arms stretching over the small grave where Williams body lays. I know the bones beneath the dirt are just that, bones, bones of my flesh but as the dogwood blooms it brings about a mental reminder of the season two years ago.
The dogwoods were also in bloom the days before I laid Williams body in the dirt of our farm. The fertile ground that has harvested life and food now holds a tender piece of my heart, forever.
I walk the path, pass his grave, almost every single day and I never tire of just sitting and remembering the tiny boy I call William.

Can all this pain really add up to something useful to bringing Glory to God?
Will I ever get to the point where I don't want to cry when I set an extra place at our table and I think William could be here? Will I always have to remind myself that William is sitting at a far bigger table than mine?

If I could change the ending to our story, would I?

Or will I continue to walk out the ending He chose for me? Really walk it out and be thankful while walking through the dogwoods? Remembering the gifts even when I can't see the gift giver? I will walk this story, being thankful that the little boy I only knew through kicks and hiccups was born to me and handed to me wrapped in a blue blanket still and without life. His little boy face reminding me so much of his brothers before him.
The Lord stood at the end of my bed that morning and said "William, come forth" and he did.

Be Thankful for that?


Yes, Thankful.
Thankful that God allowed me the privilege of being Williams mother.

Some women never get to be a mother or feel life inside of them. Some women never feel the kicks of their unborn babes. I got to hold William for 30 weeks and as my belly grew bigger I would rub and talk to him and share so much love with him.
He made his farewell being covered in his mothers love, I assure you.
Well prayed for and well loved.

I still see his tiny frame and his features I could out line in my memory until the day I die.
A mother never forgets their own child. I have placed his picture wrapped in that blue blanket next to all the other children in our foyer and I acknowledge his presence in our life. I acknowledge that I'm his mom.


I remember to be Thankful for the days I carried him.
I remember to be Thankful for the days after when God carried us.

Yes, the dogwoods are in bloom and they continue to be a gentle reminder
that I can trust a gentle Savior who knows all endings to all of our stories and
I can trust even when I don't understand the story tellers ending.


William Charlie White, March 25th 2009

Posted from archives

11 comments:

Mrs. Stam said...

Big hugs


2 Corinthians 1:3-4

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. "

Love
Renee

Abigail said...

Much love to you as you remember your sweet boy today.

-Abigail (Psalm 121)

Sheila said...

Held
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-hJ87ApWtw

Gayle @ TrainingOlives said...

Hugs, sweet Robin. You are an amazing woman who shines for our Savior.

Treasures Evermore said...

I weep as reading this...I am so sorry for your loss...but what you wrote spoke deeply to my heart.

{{hugs}} as you remember sweet William.

Connie

smallseven said...

Robin, thanks so much for sharing this with us. Today was my due date for my Elijah, the 3rd of my 4 miscarriages I've had in this past 2 yrs. He was the one I carried the longest, and it was the hardest of all the losses. Right now, I am crying out to the Lord for such an attitude each day. Lord, help me to trust you fully and be content with your choices for my life.

Sarah said...

March 17th was the due date for the last of my tummy babies. Our little Celeste would have been 10 years old this year..

Thanks be to God that we will see these precious little ones again some day...and they will share with us the wonders of heaven!

Praying for you in the midst of your pain, and in the midst of your gratitude for a completely good God.

Renata said...

((HUGS)) What a wonderful witness you are to GodÅ› goodness even through loss - thank you for sharing your heart.
Blessings
Renata

Mama D.'s Dozen said...

Just this week ...
we had to say good-bye to a precious child in my womb.

While I never held him ...
while I never saw his face ...
I loved him ...
I prayed for him ...
I had so many hopes and dreams for his life.

We are grieving this week,
the loss of our loved one.

Oh how I wish I had a picture to put up on the wall with the rest of our family pictures.

Laurel

Anonymous said...

Praying for you. Lord Bless you. tammy

Rachel said...

Thoughts and hugs sent your way. Thanks for helping me think bigger and grander as well.

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