Waking up again next to the man I call mine. Glorious, wonderful love of my life. I roll over and wrap myself around him and beg him to make me a cup of coffee. We usually take turns but I hope he's awake enough to know I really need him to do it this morning. He is. I hear him clanging around in my kitchen and know that I love him more right this very moment than I have ever loved him. I really needed coffee. I think over my day and realize I don't feel very much like doing the same thing over again, but having a conversation with myself while I waited on my morning java, I convinced myself that this is what my life is about. The things I do everyday. the same dishes, the same floors, the same clothes. This is where I live and serve. This is where I learn to die to myself and some days dying is hard. Other days it's not so hard but today I wanted to be in a small little village in Italy on the beach, a cool breeze blowing through my window, and a table for two overlooking the water. (Ok, I know, totally selfish. but remember, I haven't died to myself quite yet and it doesn't count if your feet haven't touched the ground yet and mine have most certainly not.) I still have a few minutes to day dream of being alone with him. A few flashes of having him all to myself. The thought was interrupted soon enough when a little chocolate love slides his body next to mine and snuggles deep in my covers. A little girl follows close behind and she snuggles next to me also and the conversation with myself is finally over. It's time to get myself off my mind and get back to living. Get back to the reality of doing what I'm called to do.
My man brings in my coffee and we smile that smile of "one day" but we both know that if we have our way we'll always be sharing our bed and sharing our love with these gifts that have so graciously been given to us. And we keep on living this out the best way we know how- one moment at a time.
Until one day when he is all mine again, but when you have eight kids ranging from 17 to 8 months the dream of having him all to myself seems really far off and it brings the fleeting thoughts of bed pans and hearing aids. :)
Some days having a large family is down right inconvenient; it's on those days that you peel yourself out of bed and grab your favorite pair of jeans and realize: "this is it, I will never get this day back and I'm not promised tomorrow so I better live"... and live I do right in the middle of this big family. Scott and I will continue to dream of our little bungalow and the one day when
he will be mine for an hour or two or maybe a day.
He has given himself over to this big ol' family of ours, so he will never truly be all mine again but I love being married to a man with lots of kids. He's not a wimp. He's seen it all and been there and done that and the man still wants more. He fixes boo-boos and changes diapers.
He is constantly holding someone; me or the kids. I love him when he's in daddy role and
I know someday I'll miss him kissing heads and giving baths. Someday, I'll miss seeing him
snuggle with our little baby and I'll want this back.
He will be mine....but until then I'll take today.