There once was a good boy...

"A good boy generally makes a good man." Said the mother of Washington, "George was always a good boy." Here we see one secret of his greatness. George Washington had a mother who made him into a good boy by Gods grace, and instilled into his heart those principles which raised him to be the benefactor of his country, and one of the brightest ornaments of the world. She, in a great measure, formed the character of the hero, and the statesman. It was by her own fireside that she taught her playful boy to govern himself; and thus was he prepared for the brilliant career of usefulness which he afterward pursued. We are indebted to God for the gift of Washington; but we are no less indebted to God for his inestimable mother. Had she been weak, and indulgent, and unfaithful parent, the unchecked energies of Washington might have elevated him to the throne of a tyrant;or youthful disobedience might have prepared the way for a life of crime and a dishonored grave.

There are, it is true, innumerable causes incessantly operating in the formation of character. A mother's influence is by no means the influence which is exerted. Still it may be the most powerful; for, with God's ordinary blessing, it may form in the youthful mind the habits, and implant the principles, to which other influences are to give permanency and vigor.----The Mother at Home by John Abbott

It's time we look at our children and do more than wish they would act a certain way. We, as mothers, have to stand on the hill and look at the battle before us and fight for our children. Fight for loving, kind children who love the Lord and love us and yes, even love their brothers and sisters. We have to do something about the mess that seems to be forever before us. We have to clean out our homes of disobedience and disrespect while there is still time. We are in a battle and this world wants our children and we have to fight. We can't grow weary in doing good. We can't grow weary of teaching and praying and begging God for guidance.
We stand guard over our homes and over the souls that will carry Christ to the next generation.This takes a lot of time and work. We will get dirty and some of us will want to give up. We can't, we must press on.

Yes, some of our children will choose a different path and walk away from all of our teaching and walk away from God. This is when a faithful mother stands before the throne room of God and He says, "Be still and know that I am God."  The consciousness, however, of having done one's duty, divests this affliction of much of it's bitterness. (John Abbott)

Our jobs as mothers will do much concerning the next generation. We have to be busy about our most important task. Don't get caught up doing things that do not benefit your husband or children. Stay true to your calling. It's a big one.

I never get used to it.....

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The morning sun spilling through the double paned window. I slowly remember we're in a little cabin in North Carolina perched on a hillside. The bears are often seen in the morning roaming around so I slowly peek outside. The curtains move and all I see is the beauty of the different colored paints dripping from the tall trees. I snuggle back down and smell the unfamiliar smell of a wood stove that is our heat for the time we're here. The house is situated on a hillside and so close to the river that I can hear her from my bed. I hear her moving as she slowly sings her songs. Calling me out. Calling us outdoors.

 The day before we had traveled through the Blue Ridge mountains and parked about half way through and climbed up to the top of a huge peak that over looked the Blue Ridge perfectly. We climbed (what seemed like) two miles to the top and it was breath taking as the wind flapped and the huge sun threaded her way through the trees, inviting us to meet her up there and meet her we did.

I had to tip my head so I could hear them through the wind. Their voices tiny as we're higher and closer to the sky. I fixed them in my gaze and then had to whisper, "Thank you God" for such beauty. I'm truly amazed at His gifts of land and sky. The deepest blues and the patch of earth that holds it up. My family on top and all around us His glory. It was perfect. We prayed on the top and I know God is always near, but being high up and over-looking His paintings made me feel closer to Him.

On the way down Cullen, who has a thing about hearts for me, got the whole family involved. By the time we reached the bottom I had 8 heart rocks to remember our trip by. Each one different, like each of my children.

Some of them were big and some were small but each one carried down that mountain a heart for me. I lined them up and took a quick picture and then loaded every single one in the van and plan on putting them in my garden. There are so many heart rocks. I wonder if God did that on purpose. To remind us if we look down or if we're down He reminds us that He loves us through His creation. He thinks of everything.

I rolled out of the comfort of the covers and made my way outside. The smoke from the wood heater bellowing out the top. I never get used to it, their voices in the hollow of the trees. The leaves falling all around us, they slip their feet into the chilled water and I watch as they splash and play...wondering how far they'll go if I let them.  Letting them explore and taste and feel God's power here. Taylor made her way out with coffee and we talked as we watched them. Such special moments.

Channie loved being in this place. She took her toys down and played while I gazed up at the trees that seemed to go up to the clouds. They seemed to be dancing as the wind would blow through and they would rock back and forth.

  She had to be called up to get ready to go and she begged to stay just a few more minutes. Her brown eyes pleading with me. Her eyes fully open to all the beauty that was surrounding her. The light was leaking out of the day and she knew that the darkness was gathering so she packed her things and made her way up the stairs to the front porch.

They wrapped in blankets and sat and laughed and listened to the quietness of winter approaching. The temperature was dropping like the leaves, and we made our way inside and shut the door to the cold. Tucker had chopped wood and kept our cozy fire going.  We stayed up way too late and enjoyed each others company. Sneak away if you can. Collect heart rocks and play in the leaves.
 Enjoy them and let them enjoy you.

A road trip that had us talking about God all weekend long....

October,2011

Doing What I Know

I opened my eyes early this morning and listened to him breathing next to me and knew it was too early to get up. I lay there, eyes closed in the darkness, and prayed. I remember one time a woman telling me if you wake up before everyone else it's because God may have gently woke you up so He could meet with you. So I have this habit of saying "ok, God. I'm awake, I'm listening." I'm reminded of the night before. Fevers, coughs, and runny noses and I put my head under my pillow and realize it's the day I walk out my joy, His joy, even when the day is not perfect. His warm arms move to find me in the dark. It's been one of those weeks where misunderstandings, and schedule conflicts have kept us going in different directions. Not this morning as I lay there talking to God.... He helps me realize that so much of conflict is selfishness. Thinking we know a better way or feeling justified in our feelings when we're mad or hurt. It's always going to be a part of life, but you see my clock keeps reminding me to stay close to him. My dad died 2 years ago and this is the one thing he left me. A clock that he had made. It doesn't work and the glass is broken but It does it's job. Reminding me to slow down.

This morning as I leave my room I know the day ahead will be full of grumpy babies and sick children but I know what to do. I read somewhere that an amateur gets confused and overwhelmed. I'm no amateur. I go straight to my camera and start picking the beauty of the day out of the sickness.

 Like how I know when Cullen is sick by the slightest weakness in his eyes. I've held him, I know him and I've studied him. So I just know. That makes me an expert on Cullen. So I'm not confused.

Like the way I know how to pull out black beauty and start my chicken to boiling adding a pitch of salt and olive oil to the water. Knowing she will come in handy just about around lunch time when they will be hungry, but not sure for what. I always make chicken and dumplings and have them simmering on the stove. They can smell them cooking from wherever they're at in the house. I will feed them because I know what they like even before they ask. I'm no amateur.

My living room holds most of them and I stand at the stairs and pray over them and they don't even know.
The coldness of the day will not move into my home. I will keep blankets out and books around and a big pot of chicken and dumplings going on the stove. I will not stop having joy. I will tend to each of them differently. Cooper loves to have you lay with him..Channie does too. Jo loves to be somewhere quiet and sleep it off. Cullen will tell you thank you over and over again for waiting on him. Tuck and Taylor just want to sleep. The girls just want you to hold them, they just want to be around someone.    
So it was no surprise when I felt her little soft body crawl in my bed with her dad and I this morning. Josie always wants to snuggle and this morning it was extra special as we whispered to her how much we loved her. My mission field busy this particular day but I had to let you know to count It all joy in whatever it is that this day brings to your doorstep.

blessings from the Farm

The minute hand..

Girls in the autumn colors of our farm. Their growing startles me and my growing startles me. What did I think? We would stand in time and they stay little and I stay young? It didn't happen. The wind blows through the tall trees and time blows through them and me. Time, it's always about the time. Why do I see these clocks going off in my head? Rushing to make sure I say and do the things that need to be done. Is it because of the little ones that I never got to parent? Was it the trip to Africa and the sad faces of little boys and girls who begged me to bring them home? Was it baby William laying in my arms saying goodbye to me before I even got to whisper in his ear that I loved him? Was it the girls? When they were placed in my arms and the gratitude I felt when they were given to me for the first time?  

My clocks going off... reminding me to breathe before I get angry. A clock reminding me to enjoy before they leave. A clock that reminds me to stand, cuddle, and laugh. My days revolve around them like the clocks little minute hand. I never stop. I'm always talking, changing diapers, fixing boo-boos, watching movies and washing their clothes that seem to pile up more day after day. I talked to God yesterday and I was thanking Him for the noise of my home. I told Him that I didn't look forward to the emptiness of my walls, the rest my floors would have when they left.  The quietness that is slowly moving it's way closer. He didn't answer me but I know He knows my heart. He probably laughed at me and told me to be content and not worry about tomorrow and it's quietness. I keep talking anyway because I know He listens. I ramble on and on about His children and ask Him to forgive me if I haven't parented the way He wants me to today. He listens, He always listens and I'm thankful that I can pour myself out to Him and He gets me, because He made me.

The fall winds blowing in the rain. I can't believe it's time for the seasons to change once again. It's happening faster and faster. The minute hand ticking and always moving. I stand in the wet grass and see my girls enjoying each other. I know it's just a matter of time before she is married and gone. Leaving this farm for her on true love, packing her suitcase for her journey to her own home. Leaving this farm and only coming home to visit.

 Coming home to remember her own childhood here. The Lord preparing me for the quietness of her being gone. I cry out to Him but He ever so gently reminds me that I will let go of all of them one day. I will swing open the door of my home and let them go.

 If I'm being honest I will miss so much about them now. Her being my best friend. Walking beside me, loving me, her secret letters, yoga mats, and trips to the mail-box... the way she loves her music when she cooks. The ways she gets hyper when she drinks Dr. Pepper. Her willingness to listen and her want to be heard.

I will miss the way sisters live together, sleep together, laugh together. I hear the clocks ticking and it's not a bad thing, it's a good thing. It's a constant reminder to keep focus. To enjoy every single moment and to lighten up and not take things so seriously. To not be easily offended, and to keep my head in the game.
    


The rain starts to come down and Channie-Mae is tired of picture taking so we head in to the house and I start my day again.
It's the same thing I do everyday and I listen to the ticking of the clock and I enjoy the here and now and decide not to worry about the quietness that the future will bring.

Dangling Feet...

The weekend was full of friends and laughter as we filled our home. We cooked and sat around our big table while people danced and sang. We prayed and gave thanks for the many blessings that God has given to us.

Why do so many close their doors and stow away and never open up their home? I have amazing friends who have helped me learn the art of hospitality and I'm so grateful for their teaching because my home is open and full most of the time now and along with that comes a full and open heart. Loving on some amazing people and being loved on more by those same people. My children learning the art of hospitality and serving those that come through our home.

The girls all got cowgirl outfits and for two days I had to keep putting on these hot pink costumes. You know I don't mind though. I can't help but to look in the future and know that I will cherish this picture. They are talking now and I went to tuck them in the other night and Ellie goes "mama lay down." I laid next to her small little body and sang her a song, when I got up she cried and I had to leave. I stood for a minute outside her door and then I went right back in and laid beside her until she drifted off. She has never asked before and I'm not promised tomorrow so I cuddled and snuggled and prayed for her. I tiptoed out and slowly shut the door. I will never forget her smell and the way her little voice sang "Jesus loves Me" in the darkness of her little purple room.

                                                                         

Their little feet dangle as we're practicing a song we're learning and I had a moment when I reached for my camera and I thought "they wont dangle for long". Her long legs already closer to the ground then the week before. She is growing like a weed along with the rest of them and I'm here, I would be no where else. I wouldn't trade all the noise and piles of clothes, crying, hugs, kisses and band-aid moments for anything else in the world. I am a mom who loves her job. I know I'm working myself out of a job and I love that also.
I encourage you to slow down and see their feet dangle. Take a picture if you have to. In this moment of time God allows you to be their mama and if you fail to see the beauty of the every day then you fail. God gives us children as gifts to be unwrapped slowly and cherished.

I can't do an update without toothless grins and boys in hats. The reminder of fall and football.

I took a walk out across the pasture tonight and lay on the earth and looked up and saw the vastness of the sky and was amazed by my God. I look into the eyes of my children and am amazed at how He loves me.

Again I say

Thank you God!   

He whispers "I have entrusted you with much"

This house I call home, it is where people flock for help. For a glass of water, for a welcoming smile, for a story of redemption, for a place to belong. “Come and listen,” we say. “Come and listen to what He’s done for us. For you.” These 8 will leave, but more will come. They always come. I don’t know why us and I don’t know why here. Our house is a wreck and dinner is late. We make a ruckus in the grocery store and we don’t get invited out much because surely we will bring a screaming baby or worse, crazy people. We are late to church and sometimes we get there and one doesn’t have shoes and one forgot to comb her hair. We are the messy ones. And we pray and we pray that we could spill out the grace of God. Kissing Katie from Africa

Enjoy them

Play with them

Laugh at them

Be with them

Study them

Never give up on them

His Gifts

We light their candles on their birthday cake and their eyes twinkle in the

dancing candle light. We sing a jolly rendition of "Happy Birthday"

and they clap and sing with us.These little girls who became a part

of our lives when they were only 3 weeks old. Do we ever stop and wonder

why God chose us to be a part of our children's life? What part do we play

in this story, His story? Do I know what I'm supposed to be doing on this

stage of His concerning His daughters? 

His, as in not mine.

He chose their life, He gave them breath and then

He chose our family to help raise them up. I sit and wonder at it all.

I'm honored to be the mother of these two little girls as I am the other six.

We have lots of celebrations of birthdays around here.

With ten people in the house there is almost one a month.

The making of cake, the blowing out of candles, the wish..

yes. there is always the wish.  

The smoke drifts from their candles and I drift to the day we got "the call."

"We have twins girls who are going to be released from the hospital in a few

days. Could y'all take twins?"

My heart guarded as I knew so many things could go wrong with

this situation. We said yes.. we could take twins.

Still not letting myself even think beyond praying for these two I go about my week as usual.

But the call comes.

"Congratulations, you have twins!" says the voice on the other end,

not even giving me time to breathe.

My heart still not trusting, still not believing.

I end up not believing until I hold their little frames to mine.

only 4lbs and I hold them as if they might just break into a million pieces.

I hold them like I never got to hold baby William. Feeling their warm bodies

and smelling their sweet baby skin. Trying to focus as the tears fall.
I cannot contain myself. His gift so wondrous, so great. His gift
to me so over the top.
 I take them in and let God do his work on my heart. Healing a part of it
that has been broken. 

Two years later and I'm still thanking Him.

I will always thank Him, never forgetting that He chose us. Never forgetting the gift that
our children are from a Father who loves and bestows great and wonderful
gifts to us.

Happy Birthday Ellie Cate and Josie Claire
2011

Remember to visit more

It's been way too long since our last visit. She's 100 years old and she sits there in that big ol' chair all day not able to get up and move around or do much of anything anymore. We walk in and her Grandma White smile shines as bright as the sun that beams in behind her. All of us huddle around her chair and she just takes them in. One by one she looks into their dark brown eyes and remembers or tries to remember their name. There is just too many of them. Her great grand children stand in front of her, black and white and she just takes them in.  She knows her though and her eyes stop on Chandler-Mae Grayce White because this little girl was named after her.  She remembers.

She smiles at Channie and says, "Do you like being named after grandma?" Channie-Mae says, "Yes, M'am" I'm not sure Channie knows yet what being named after someone really means. Carrying someones name with you for the rest of your life. Keeping a part of that person tucked somewhere deep within you until your last breath, keeping that person alive.

 They were both just happy to sit a spell and stare at each other. One so very old and one so very young. Her eyes are still young though even after 100 years. She gently takes her and pulls her close and Channie, not quite knowing what to do, just gives into Grandma's hug. I look away because I feel the hot tears starting to seep. Old age seems so hard.
 I look around the nursing home at the faces there. They once were young, I can only imagine  that they never saw themselves sitting in chairs all day watching the hours tick. Sitting and eyes gone bad so you can't read or sew or even watch T.V. anymore. Just sitting. We stay a little while and then it's time to leave. She chuckles as I gather everyone up "how do you feed all these kids?" the same question she always asks me.
"I don't know Grandma, it's not hard. Just make double what you would."
 She laughs " I guess so." I want to ask her how she sits here all day. What she thinks about. What she wishes she could do over. If she could run, where would she run to? Questions I don't ask.

 I reach over and grab her hand to say bye and I promise to be better about visiting. We slip out the door and wade through the faces of the very old who look at us as we pass.

Remember to visit more.

The living

If you lived with us you would notice that food is always something big at our house. We're either buying food, or planning meals, or making meals,  or setting the table for our food, or cleaning up after food. It's funny how food brings our family together.We love good food. We love the smell of it and the taste of it at night when the table's been set and we're waiting for daddy's lights to be seen on the driveway.

Our cook-books and recipes can be found everywhere. List of groceries we will need always on the bar.

 Our little black beauty that we got at the world's largest yard sale has more than paid for herself.
  She sits all day and cooks just about everything you can imagine.

This is our newest addition to our family. We call him Lucky. He was named Lucky for several reasons.

1. We don't normally do cats
2. Our cats are farm animals that normally find their food in the pasture, meaning we don't buy cat food. No sissy cats around here. You hunt for your food. Our cats are tough.
3. Lucky found his way into our hearts and into our house.
4. Lucky gets a medium priced store bought cat-food that I feel fairly good about buying for him. I don't want this poor thing to have to go hunt for his food. He might starve to death.
5. Taylor is not a cat lover and well Lucky found his way into her heart by ending up in her dirty clothes pile and she let him <3 It's love I tell ya.

Speaking of love these two are on again and off again. This weekend they were full blast packed out full of love. I have to tell you a secret though. It's H-A-R-D having twins. It's been an experience that has had us crying from lack of sleep to rolling laughing as they tell each other "no cry, baby". They have tested me to my inner core and they continue to keep me on my scarred up knees, banging on the doors of heaven asking for wisdom..I know I post their "good side" most times but that's because of their little reputations that I'm trying to protect.. Not because I'm trying to make you think I have it all together because, believe me with twins, from what I've heard, you never really have it all together again. Hmmmmmm. So I will spare you the going into their room after you've laid them down for the 5th time only to find both of their diapers off laying in the floor and their sheets soaking wet....? Why did you do that I ask them? I really want an answer. They both say diaper as they point to the floor. I will spare you the stealing of each others food and they both blame the other. You never know who really did it. I will spare you the obsession they have with shoes. They want shoes on all the time and when you lay them down for a nap or night-time and you pull their little feet out of their shoes they cry like you just ripped out their soul. I will spare you the early, I mean early, wake up call. I will also spare you the crying that the two these sisters can do and when done in unison will drive you slap crazy.
See, I spared you the messy details. Aren't you glad? I would rather you know the side of them that loves like crazy. The side that gives BIG puckered up lip kisses. The side of Josie that sucks her thumb and rubs her outie belly button and how darn cute she looks when she does it. How when I put on footy pajamas she cries because the zipper is hiding her belly button and I have to un-zip her so she can rub it...  

 I want you to know how very much they love this guy down there, their older brother. They adore him and he adores them. He is protective and loving, kind with these girls. They call him Tuck-Tuck and I simple call him a wonderful son. He is the most generous person I think I have ever been around. He loves to do for others. He has a lawn care business and worked all summer for a christian mechanic. He also helped some of our friends {tornado victims} rebuild. He has a few computer businesses on the side as well. He is saving his money so he can expand his business next summer and putting a few dollars back for his future family.
He is earning his eagle scout badge. He is busy but work is good. He has few friends outside of our family not because he's not a likable guy but because he's busy. He's available to his family and helps us in so many ways.

Having older children, I see the blessings of teaching them patience and understanding when it comes to their younger brothers and sisters. There's not a "typical" day around here.. you have to be flexible and willing to give of yourself and well that's not normal. We gets lots of, "what about your older kids? why should they have to help burden themselves with helping just because you have a large family? They should have their own life...They should be normal teenagers and get to hang out with their friends and express themselves blah blah blah"........Come on, it makes me so mad. The same people who say all that stuff are also the same people who say the world has gone to hell in a hand basket....and I want to say, "well responsibility builds character" and  that our society at large has taken all responsibility out of our children's lives and has inserted 'let me do everything for you' and when young men can't hold down jobs or young ladies have to be taught how to change a diaper or cook by our school systems, something is wrong. We try and give our children a better life than what we had... but is it really better? You are who you are and I am who I am because of the hard-times. Why do we take all hard-times out and then wonder why there are so many weak kneed young adults? Just thinking out loud. Teach them to work and work hard and work along side you and then when you play, play hard.
For the rest of Tucker's life he will have to work. He will be providing for a family. He has to learn now that work is not an option.

Taylor graduated this year and her days are filled with family and work. She does all the cooking and helps with teaching little ones to read. She works for her daddy two days a week and she has a job at our church as a wedding coordinator. She is starting online classes at Penn Foster to be a certified wedding planner.
Oh, and she wants to get married and have lots of babies..and homeschool..So not normal :)

She  is my right hand and so much more. She is 18 and for years people made remarks like "just wait until they get older" well I'm right in the middle of older with her and can I just say I love it? Truly, the Lord has blessed me with remarkable older teenagers but these two are our guinea pigs if you will. They have always had to work hard. Up early with chores and work on the farm or helping with babies. They have been raised old school if you will. No free rides I've said more than one time (probably more than a thousand), "if you don't help you don't eat".....they always help. Bad attitudes are not part of our everyday life. We have them, we all have them, but we work them out..We talk a lot and read scripture and sings songs of God's grace and love.
We make the ones that don't get along work together and sleep together and share a plate until they show me that they can get along. What's the use if your kids can get along with other kids at church and hate the very people in their home? Teach them and beg God for love between brothers and sisters. Behold how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in harmony. Expect it and don't ever expect any less. Don't listen to the lie that brothers and sisters get on each others nerves and that's normal. They will fight and fuss. They will disagree, but teach them to love first and work out their differences under God's rules not the worlds "normal".

I hope you don't mind my soap box but, be encouraged and grow in grace as we live out our daily walk together.

Living...