My weakness

 

"I thought parenting was going to portray my strengths, never realizing that God had ordained it to reveal my weaknesses".~ Living life amongst these guys makes me tired beyond what I ever thought possible. My body bending under the weight of needs, tears, and hunger. Knowing I'm here for a reason and I shall doubt, but not for long, that His plan for my life has me in the middle of something bigger than myself. What if I can't drowned out the voices of people who don't understand what and why we do what we do? I close my ears and seek His voice out from the crowd and there it is.
His voice so sweet. Only what you do for Me will last. Only when you give up everything will you find anything. Leave it all and follow me. His sweetness keeps me moving through all my days.  

So I pack.. Leaving the world I once knew behind but I have nothing really. I prepare to walk out this day following the Lord and leaving everything else behind.  So much hurting, so many people struggling and drowning what if I can't help? What if I'm not strong enough, what if I don't have enough? What if the voices convince me to stop...Oh, Lord, there is no one like you God and in my weakness you will give me strength. The world around us is hurting. I can no longer live in my "little world" because "I know" and once "you know" you can't hide your face from it. You can't pretend that all is well. We just stand in the middle of it all and pray that God will be glorified as we love on some amazing children, as we counsel hurting mommies...hugging grandmas that wonder what went wrong.

Open your eyes to the beautiful world around you. It's lost and hurting. Open your doors and clear off a bed. Clean out a room. Then ask God to use it..You will be surprised.      

His Gifts

We light their candles on their birthday cake and their eyes twinkle in the

dancing candle light. We sing a jolly rendition of "Happy Birthday"

and they clap and sing with us.These little girls who became a part

of our lives when they were only 3 weeks old. Do we ever stop and wonder

why God chose us to be a part of our children's life? What part do we play

in this story, His story? Do I know what I'm supposed to be doing on this

stage of His concerning His daughters? 

His, as in not mine.

He chose their life, He gave them breath and then

He chose our family to help raise them up. I sit and wonder at it all.

I'm honored to be the mother of these two little girls as I am the other six.

We have lots of celebrations of birthdays around here.

With ten people in the house there is almost one a month.

The making of cake, the blowing out of candles, the wish..

yes. there is always the wish.  

The smoke drifts from their candles and I drift to the day we got "the call."

"We have twins girls who are going to be released from the hospital in a few

days. Could y'all take twins?"

My heart guarded as I knew so many things could go wrong with

this situation. We said yes.. we could take twins.

Still not letting myself even think beyond praying for these two I go about my week as usual.

But the call comes.

"Congratulations, you have twins!" says the voice on the other end,

not even giving me time to breathe.

My heart still not trusting, still not believing.

I end up not believing until I hold their little frames to mine.

only 4lbs and I hold them as if they might just break into a million pieces.

I hold them like I never got to hold baby William. Feeling their warm bodies

and smelling their sweet baby skin. Trying to focus as the tears fall.
I cannot contain myself. His gift so wondrous, so great. His gift
to me so over the top.
 I take them in and let God do his work on my heart. Healing a part of it
that has been broken. 

Two years later and I'm still thanking Him.

I will always thank Him, never forgetting that He chose us. Never forgetting the gift that
our children are from a Father who loves and bestows great and wonderful
gifts to us.

Happy Birthday Ellie Cate and Josie Claire
2011