Walking the long driveway the gravel gives way under my feet. The mailbox overflowing with cards from friends far and wide.The bitter cold reminding me that this year is almost over. Come and gone. The cold has us indoors a lot and I'm reading words more than ever. Not feeling like myself lately. All the change that takes place in ones life in a year has taken it's toll on me. With having 13 children over the summer and running on next to nothing but keeping on because someone needed to. Having a bustling farm with new animals to train and then the winter.
I'm doing a lot of thinking..which my husband says is never good.
Thinking about my life and how odd it seems to be moving out of the "baby stage" and into the "middle stage" of my life.
Not having to buy diapers or get up in the middle of the night. Having the freedom to go places and see new things with all my children is all different. I have always had a baby for the past 20 years and so now when I find myself in a new place I go from wanting to cry to wanting to dance?
Strange place I know, but I get to do all the things I never could.
I get to sleep in a little, and I have everyone helping so things don't seem so overwhelming. My older young adults are doing things outside of the home
and I see what's happening. I go from crying out to God to stop everything
to being excited at what the next stage holds.
But right now a calm is settling over the farm after years of survival mode and I'm trying to decide if I like the way that sounds.
I haven't figured that out yet.
You'll be the first to know when I do.
Years running on an adrenal rush now I'm watching them and enjoying them like never before. I get to know them in a way that has seemed impossible until now.
Seeing them move into the middle stage with me. Seeing and feeling how they need me so much more the older they get. I always thought it odd when people would say that.
"oh they'll need you more when they're 18-21"
I couldn't imagine that but now I know it's true.
Hours of counseling and reassuring.
There is no feed, diaper and put to bed.
These are real issues for them and so you make room in your bed and they lay in the darkness talking and I'm listening.
I have taught them in they way they should go like proverbs instructed me
and now I have to step back and let God take them the rest of the way.
Helping them make career choices
Praying like never before for
You always pray that prayer "Lord, please be preparing
their spouses" but when you have to be patient and wait with
them you learn that their faith is required.
They have to believe that God has the perfect person for them but its His timing not ours. And well, this can seem to take forever for them.
I believe that 18-21 has been and will be the testing ground for what I have taught them. I have come up short in some areas believe me, so I take notes on what I'll be doing different with the new batch coming up:)
Yeah, it all takes more time and a lot more patience and it takes a lot of change
from me. From being the one in charge to letting go and letting them take a leap of Faith and know that God has this.