Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Building Bridges



The farm is quite busy as legs grow longer and our family grows. 
Taylor, is expecting our first grand-baby 
and I will officially be called Grandma Birdie. Our little granddaughter kept her mama sick for 16 weeks and even as I write this, Taylor is still fighting being nauseated. A grand-baby and a son-in-law all in less than a year. Wow when things change, they change fast.



But more change has found it's way to the farm. Tucker, is in a courtship with a young lady named Johanna.
We have lots of mutual friends and I really like her.They will be getting married soon and I couldn't be happier.
Some people have been quite surprised by their quick courtship (it will be a total of 3 months) gasp!! but we're not. If you have been around Tucker more than an hour than you know this is such an answered prayer.

Since he was 12 years old we have been preparing him for his biggest job yet, Husband and Father
We prepared him for this. So please don't worry. We have intentionally taught and continue to teach our children that marriage is a beautiful God given gift.  We have spent hours training him for this position. We have arranged our life so that Tucker could be with his dad for most of his time from 12 years old up. We have given him a vision to see differently than the world. To give up his life for a young lady to provide for her and lead her closer to the Lord. He has been faithful. He is a servant and did I mention a hard worker? So what does courtship look like the 2nd time around? It's look good. I'm so excited that the Lord is so gracious  to us to grant us our hearts desires and answer our Prayers.
But courtship is work for both families and it's a commitment from our children. We are standing with them and helping them make wise decisions. We are saying, "okay ask her this or how does she feel about that?" It's work. Whoever thinks having little children is hard work...wait for the older years. God is just preparing you for the hard work. When you do things different it is never easy. It's like carrying a backpack up a hill. 

We do things different like home-school, courtship and getting married early if the Lord brings spouses, we're not afraid to do hard things and marriage is hard but it's also very sweet seeing your children choosing to give their one life to serving another. My job is to train..I realize now that those years of training have to be training with a purpose. You have to get with your husband and have a plan. Have a vision for where you're going. Don't just train, but plan, what do you want your kids to be doing when their 19-20? For some reason the Lord laid on our hearts that marriage is a high calling and so we trained and trained and listened to sermons and helped Tucker be in a position to live on his own for 6 months and pay rent and pay bills. To fix toilets and deal with problems. All this takes my time and Scott's time. It takes money to be able to invest in building that bridge but you're investing in something good. We just always knew what we were investing in and we tell our children often. "I want to teach you this because when you get married you will need to know how."
We had the opportunity to buy a house that was originally part of our land and it was a sacrifice financially. We had to know where we were headed and know that this house was part of a bridge that would help us walk our children into the adult world. It turned out to be a huge part of giving Tucker the fuel that he needed, when he got a job,  to be able to move out  and slowly get use to living life alone.
It was the fuel he needed to see Gods vision and our vision for his life. He had something to work toward and to dream for. You must have a vision for your family. School and hard work alone will not cut it. It has to be something that they can dream of, and work toward.
I'm not saying that Tucker is 100% ready for marriage but really can one ever be? I am saying that he is willing and desires to. He has lots of little things to do yet, and he's motivated to do them, things like getting our old van fixed so she will  have a car. And buying a washer sounds pretty exciting when you're talking about your son. 


The rest of the crew is making way for more change as we adjust to Tucker and Taylor being gone.
The layers of my skin are thin right now. The building of bridges is intentionally staying focused on your family and I'm finding out bridge building is hot, hard work. At times I long for when they were all small and I could make them happy with just a movie or their favorite food. Now it's more important than ever to keep hammering away at keeping relationships. 


And it can be lonely.
 I invest in my family and when you invest everything you have into your husband and children and the future there is very little room for much else. I have to say no to a lot and it's in those times that I keep telling myself it's not all in vain.  


 Training little girls to fold clothes


Training guys that refrigerators need to be cleaned out and yes they can do it.


 Taking time for date nights in my bedroom and snuggling with Cullen while we watch Andy Griffin and bringing s'mores so he'll remember 


 Most importantly I believe in building the relationships between brothers and sisters.
Doing whatever you have to do to make them best friends. Work hard at this. I am seeing this to be key in building bridges that will stand the test of time. If your kids don't get along, then stop and read everything you can and get advice and don't give up. This is critical. Children that don't get along now, grow up to not get along in most cases, or they grow up and move on never to look back and invest in the life of their siblings.

I pray often Lord teach me the ways of old. 


So tie their heart strings so that when they're married they still want to be a part of their younger siblings life.
Again this takes lots and lots of work. But I promise it's so worth it when your married daughter still piles up on the couch with her sisters.  


Building bridges is hard, it means I don't get to do all the things I want to do,
it means sacrificing now in order to have a future, it means when they need me
I'll be there. 


May, 2014








5 comments:

Sheila said...

Praying God's strength for you to keep doing what you are doing! :)

Jill Funkhouser said...

can you suggest any books or sermons to listen to on your training for Tucker? Would love your ideas. Thanks.
funk50@charter.net

Rachel said...

I have loved reading your update. Such exciting times for your family. Blessings and all the happiness sent your way!

Karen Sue said...

Thanks for the inspiration. We have those growing pains here as #3 came home early with a withdraw from his college and now #2 is coming home with a college degree and some time off before her next college time starts. Not feeling the love between those two right now hurts my mom heart. It'll get better. just need to adjust life abit

maureen said...

So happy to hear about Taylor's baby and Tucker's courtship. Praying that you feel God's strength and peace about all the changes going on. I am truly inspired about your journey, thank you so much for sharing.

I would also like to know if there are certain books, sermons, etc. you listened to or read to prepare Tucker.

Thanks,
Maureen

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